The more I wander through life
the less I find.
Only my torment callously
catering the contempt
for those with bounds.
I bind myself,
thinking bounds
Will release me~
believing sin will
release me.
I wander through life now,
I find more
without searching.
I have found
my freedom,
I have lost
my contempt,
and am finding
my peace.
A contest entry
- very tough contest :P (don't just sit and enjoy your holidays without poetry ) by abuyi.
1400 points, ended February 22, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Second time Reading
There is a quiet rhythm to this piece and it seems to be a diction of sincere thoughts. I like how it plays as interlude and brushes itself with hope in the final words.
Two suggestions I feel would give more impact
and do justice to its sincere voice~are small edits in punctuation and line structure. I.E.
"The more I wander through life,
the less I find.
Only my torment callously
catering the contempt
for those with bounds.
I bind myself,
thinking bounds
will release me~
Believing sin will
release me."
I hope my response offers you something useful and encouraging. Best to you always, Blue
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thanks for the pointers on this one
this was one of those special poems that you lose because of the internet failing, then having to rewrite it from memory
i find it so difficult to recapture the moment
cheers
jezz
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I feel ya!!! Sometimes it's a narrow escape from those bindings that would drag us down!!! I too am finding my peace!!! Well said!
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hey
i really enjoyed to read that u r so amazing
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hey thanks for dropping by, its been a while
how ya been??
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thanks for writing me a poem for my contest. in search of peace we all are. i hope you discover your peace.
this is a beautiful write and its simplicity present tranquillity. i would to like to read it again once you finish revising it. please let me know then again.
best of luck and thanks again for entering in my contest.
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