Is it sweet, she asked;
does it flow? Does it
glide across the mind like
honeyed skin, like silk and cream,
like soulful, happy tears?
Angel's song, I told her,
with nothing of
shattered glass or pain,
all sensual grace,
like youth and strength and sin--
ecstasy, love at first taste.
A contest entry
- not rough in the slightest by Polaja.
850 points, ended January 21, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The first stanza of this is outstanding - I really like the way that you have used her voice as well as your own to describe the angel song
lovely.
Polly
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Thanks for hosting, and the HM! I'm glad you liked it.
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A suggestion:
"Angel's song, I told her,
with nothing of
shattered glass or pain,
all sensual grace,
like youth and strength and sin--
ecstasy, love at first taste"
what about using:
Angel's song, I told her,
is nothing of
shattered glass or pain,
but of sensual grace,
like youth and strength and sin--
ecstasy, love at first taste -
Beautifully done!
Well, and here you were telling me that it wasn't good. To be honest, its good to see you writing something that isn't longing or explicitly graphic in its description of the other side of being human. I hope this represents a sea change, but if it doesn't, well, you know how much I like imagery. -
It's been too long but worth the wait
I liked how you encompassed everything into your smoothness. Senses, touch, taste, emotions all with a touch and feel of smooth. Of course there always is a "something" lol I don't like the word "all" with sensual grace. I know you mean all at the exclusion f the others but there might be a better word than "all". Nice to see you, friend. ~ Timothy
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