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Sardine Can Desert Ant Farm

Scurrilous Scarabs
wrecking
building
pushing earth around

All to make
    sardine can ant farms

Life is a desert
then we die
    die for the slugs
    they’re selling
die to make things real
    to fit in
    to stand out
die to kill our minds
    turn it all off
die because we’re not like them
    then die
    because we become them
death
without a slug’s chance on salt flats

We build and buy
    all they tell us to

and the only future for sale

    Is life behind the glass

worth keeping? is it too bleak? what does it say to you?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • BlancetNoir gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I think it's worth keeping... No, I don't think it is so much bleak as an honest observation.
    What it says to me... it's about development gone amuck, once natural scenes are demolished to make way for condos and shopping strips, it's pretty much impossible to reverse the process. So, I think you have every right to express dismay with the system.
    Also, I like the things you say in the part of the poem starting with die to make things real, the rhythm of the lines beginning with the word die has a nice ranting quality that fits well into the tone and theme.


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, definately a much different tone than the other one I read! I think it's very powerful...though I think 'shit' was not needed...I'm not against profaninty...shit...I have a potty mouth myself, but I think the rest of the poem illustrates well enough that 'shit' is now only taking away. Espeically when put against those nice descriptive words in the beginning.

    I really love the way you've taken this topic and given it life with the slugs, the desert, and finally the glass. I've read this topic a few times but your creation of it is a lot more original.


    Síochán leat
    ~Mairéad~


    • DragonflyDream
      January 8
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, this is a pretty old one, I like it but I don't know what to do with it
      shit, now I need a new word
      I wrote this when I was going by my old neighborhood and saw the grove of trees I used to play in was cleared away to make more sprawl
      I like trees too!