I Really Loved You...

I don't understand.
I got everything I wanted... didn't I?
I thought so- but now I'm not so sure.
Why is this world so cruel.
So cold. So bitter.
I really loved you.
But frostbite has taken over my heart.
At times it burns so hot,
yet then it is numb...
To everything.

I thought the tears would have stopped...
At least when you came back.
But they haven't.
I really loved you.
Yet that void is still unfilled.
You are not him anymore.
He is gone...
My him is gone forever.
That I cannot help.

I can forgive -
but to forget -
I am not strong enough.
Perhaps that is my weakness.
Although, I sit here writing with your pen.
And I love it.
I love how I look up at you and cry.
I really loved you.
Yet I cry for all those damn memories we made together!
They meant nothing to you for so long.

And yet, you still don't hear me.
You sleep.
Damn it! You always sleep!
You sleep through everything,
Like its all going to be ok.
But its not...
Can it ever be?
I don't think so but you keep telling me it will be.
I know it won't.
I really loved you.
But you said a lot of things,
And promised me a lot more.
You didn't mean any of it.

GOD! I wanted you back so badly for so long!
Because I really knew what I had lost when you left me.
I really loved you.
But then...
I grew.
I grew accustomed to you not coming back-
Eventhough you kept telling me I didn't know that for sure.
Like it was some kind of game to you.
I want MY you back.
Not this cold, heartless parasite in your soul.

When are you going to treat me like your angel again?
You used to tell me I was perfect.
Am I not anymore?
I waited for you... I abstained for you!
And now I feel alone...still...
Eventhough you're right in the other room.
I really loved you.
I don't know this you.
I don't like this you.
I want this you to leave.

This was a fairytale that had an unhappy ending.
I want to throw the book in a fire and watch it burn;
Like my love did...
Til' it is nothing but ashes.
I hate these nights of silent tears as you sleep...
Uneffected.
I really loved you.
And yet with every dream you have,
My heart is stabbed and pierced
In the pieces you broke.
Another hole.
Another piece.

GOD! You used to be so perfect!
The one person who could never do wrong-
No matter how many bruises I hid for you!
I really loved you.
But that didn't matter because you broke my heart.
You found someone else to be your everything.
It hurt so bad.
And now the wound gapes open everytime I look at you.

I really loved you.
Like I had never loved before.
I don't want to pretend that I love you like that anymore
Because its NOT you!
YOU are not the one I fell in love with.
You are not the one that holds my heart.
I don't want to fall apart inside anymore.
I don't want to feel the pain of every inch of my insides
Ripping in opposite directions anymore.
It hurts.
You hurt... Me...
And now you must fix it.
Or I leave.
For good.

I really loved you.
But I'm not so sure I do anymore.