the coyote's blood of snake's helix code
twisting two into unity, chimerical
when you're gone to the quantum node
metaprogramming a personal miracle
i was jailed for the system that failed
I was crucified by the society lie
A healing plant's voice wailed
Mending each other's wings to fly
a lion that's a goat that's a snake
a storm inside a beast in man-skin
these forms combine together make
a victory for those who couldn't win.
Author notes
Intoothandclaw and I took turns writing lines. It's about our relationship together. I did the first line, and then he alternated. It's of a more personal nature which I hope isn't completely lost on readers. The title is pronounced 'koo', as in a military/etc. coup. Playing with the words 'couple', 'couplet', and 'coup'.
To clarify a few things...
Helix code = DNA. It's a metaphor.
Metaprogramming is consciously editing or making changes to one's psyche, brain, and/or life/environment.
Each couplet has sort of a different topic.
Also a contest entry in "Odd," prompt #6: A poem about love.
A contest entry
- Romantic Co-Write/Rhyme by piccola.
400 points, ended January 11, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Odd........(CLICK ME) by DirtyLittlePrincess.
510 points, ended February 6, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Very beautiful. To be honest i was a little lost untill i read the author notes that describe the poem very well. Then i read it again and it was like it had a whole different meaning. You can definatly feel the love here
Well done on the awesome write, thank you for the great entry.
-
This is very interesting. I think for the sake of the reader you might want to add author notes about the helix, Chimera, etc. These are things not understood by everyone. Once those few words are understood then it's easy to understand the whole. Especially chimera ...
-
-
Do you just mean the basic definitions of those words? Dictionary.com should suffice for that. Or do you mean what we're referring to with those words?
-
-
If nothing else, put a link to the words to make it easier for the reader. People can look the words up, that's very true. But I find that people are basically lazy and if reading is any work they just scan and make some inane comment then move on. If we do what we can to make it more pleasant for them, they might comment from the heart
-
-
True enough. On the other hand, in all honesty, someone like that probably isn't going to like our work anyway. It's oriented irrevocably toward people who enjoy thinking; adding word definitions isn't going to make it any more accessible to people who don't. They'd do the same thing -- just scan and leave some inane comment -- anyway.
EDIT: Err, that didn't come out quite right. I didn't mean to imply that people who don't know those words are stupid. I just mean that, vocabulary aside, the poem itself isn't obvious. It requires a certain amount of effort by design, more than it takes to look up a word. We could change it so that it uses only common vocabulary, but it would still require more effort than that sort of person wants to invest.
That is, if you want me to I'll do it, but I honestly don't think it will broaden the poem's appeal any.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
