Ice, so solid beneath my feet, this
is good, I fear the depth of emotions.
In December, it comes to hide the world,
and everything is the same. The trees wear their coats,
the ground wrapped tightly in the damp.
And this ice, once solid, leaves me in April.
The trees are now wretched, the ground
now cracked. All is revealed when beauty fades.
My feet are wet, and I am sinking, deeper
deeper, until my breath is gone--
a memory, like foolish laughter.
I can see from the bottom, through sun-pierced ripples,
I can see where the world begins.
I almost made it to enlightenment.
Almost.
Author notes
Title Prompt: The water doesn't ruin
A contest entry
- The water doesn't ruin --x by Noir mariposa...x.
750 points, ended March 10, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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"a memory, like foolish laughter.
I can see from the bottom, through sun-pierced ripples,
I can see where the world begins.
I almost made it to enlightenment.
Almost."
This ending is very... I'm not sure what the word is because I'm having a mental blank >.< I like it though
Um.. um.. it's very strong and forward; which I think makes the poem
Thank you for entering,
I wish you the best of luck.
Claire x -
Love your opening two lines.
An intriguing write, I really enjoyed reading this.
Well done !!
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thanks, for a short piece it took forever to write. im still working on it though, im not to happy with the second line.
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wow what an amazing image this brings to mind. i really enjoyed this so much.
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thanks so much for checking it out. much love
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Very interesting poem, I do like how it ends, draws me in more and more with each line, like a falling poem, I faal right into it, till it grabs me at the end. Well done, best of luck to you
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what a nice comment, thank u very very much. Much love and respect to you
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