her mouth was a poem
free from metaphor;
I penned her milky skin
with softhanded quills
against parchment,
exploring each stanza
with pensive eyes.
the stirring of my heart
felt like bluegreen water
churning in the wake;
a violent frothing thing.
we were on deck
tossing with the waves,
hurried footshuffles
quiet on swollen planks;
her ringless fingers
moving through curls
like lost seabirds.
the failing of my heart
felt like bluegreen water
churning in the wake;
a violent frothing thing
followed by silence.
A contest entry
- the grinning god by gypsy camp.
700 points, ended January 8, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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GOD DANG!!!!!!!! You are not stopping with your amazingness
I'm gonna read a whole bunch of yours, This stuff is addictive. you're amazing !
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fav stanza:
her mouth was a poem
free from metaphor;
I penned her milky skin
with softhanded quills
against parchment,
exploring each stanza
with pensive eyes.
great write
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Excellent write! Congratulations on your placement too! :-) yao
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this is so sad.. definitely what i didnt know i wanted. lolol.
oh, panda, you've amazed me with this. it's as pretty as an ocean sunset, really. and what tara outlines in stanza 3 is just....wow. you didnt fail me!
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Lost Love In The Atlantic
The most beautiful Of all. If I had a choice to silence a love thre Atlantic ocean is where I'd want it to be. One if the most magical place's I have ever vacationed. Your poetry about this person is beautiful. You were in awe of her once it seems. What ever happened is unfortunate. Sounds like you had a keeper, to be trite. One never knows what they have had until they have lost it. Unless you wanted it to be so.....They say "Silence can be Golden"
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"her ringless fingers
moving through curls
like lost seabirds."
this is beautiful poetry
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this is awesome! I really enjoyed this piece...very fluent and I love the word choices, which I feel really made this piece. also, i think repeating the those beautiful 3 lines:
"felt like bluegreen water
churning in the wake;
a violent frothing thing" made a nice impact at the end. I love it
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I agree this is one of your best , my favorite so far.
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niiice.
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I know I already commented! But but, I had to read this again!
"her ringless fingers
moving through curls
like lost seabirds."
Beautiful.
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Wow. This is just so beautiful! Amazing imagery throughout! I love the first and third stanzas! A beautiful title as well! Once again, you've penned yet another winner!
Love and best wishes,
Ylova
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Beautiful melancholy...
Wishing you all the best in the contest!! Peace always, xx Cyn 
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The only thing this could be follow by is silence, what words could top the beauty you've written?
her ringless fingers
moving through curls
like lost seabirds.
Brilliant images, and that one would have to be my favourite. Wow. =) Good luck.
Ashley A. Wolfe
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I can't be prolific today, so accept flowers and applause.
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I'm going to have to steal that comment from you verbatim one day.
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Beautifully done. Wonderful piece, really. Great flow and imagery. Takes you on a journey while reading. Great job!!
♥ Kathraina
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....followed by silence.... damn.
this is good.... too good. one of your best.... just cuz of that last line i guess. this is something great!!! very well done.
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