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a letter too heavy to send



Birch Crescent is a whiteout.

I can’t remember having winters like this since we lived on Larsen Avenue
where my childhood is the wreckage of a bird’s shadow, now buried
deep under snow piles of rants and words thrown like ice balls.

I'm sorry, dad, but our house was so cold that morning butter would

never spread smoothly over your toast and I’m sorry that your cloud

of breath was always wasted on me.

I’m writing to tell you I grew up to be much like you.
I flew away, far from you but not the anger, which follows me
and fills me, the way one is filled with blood and bone.

tara

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

much thanks to the slush of a wrung washcloth

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 84 of 84

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    October 23
    Edit | Reply

    LONG LIST


  • truembrace
    April 7

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    I am so not surprised this won gold. These kind of writes have us wonder how much is the bitter reality and somewhere inside realize the answer is "too much".

    I grew up with great parents but quite a harsh house-hold with "old school rules" to say the least. Still, I know I am blessed for what I had as much as it's difficult sometimes for how the things I had were earned. Again, I know I was lucky in many ways and can empathize for those that had things quite different where anger might follow.

    Perfectly said and certainly a great poem here.

    Kim


  • Jaden silver member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I wonder what the lesson was . . . for you and him. They say, in nature, everything works in balance. In human relationships everything works toward polarity- a neutral state. Positive and negative magnetism collides creating a disturbance, but it's only temporary, because the evolution is toward the neutral. Sometimes time takes care of things. But in a very large disturbance who knows.


  • afroqban
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! I dont even know what to say. im not a good commenter anyway, but i dont wanna read this and not tell you how much i enjoyed it, as sad (kinda) as it was.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    February 8
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    Hey Gold. Good on ya!

    I don't really talk much to my own dad.


  • Phatbassman
    February 2
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    hi. how are you? I love a letter too heavy to send. really subtle. and a brilliant title.

  • Bob Fox
    February 1

    Edit | Reply

    My

    Such sadness and yet I think a yearning to reach out and say, Dad, hold my hand,just once. But the oicture that unfolds is one that perhaps has been framed forever in your brilliant mind.


  • penchanted
    January 30

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    Stunning write!

    I was speechless after reading this...it is a true gift to be able to affect a persons emotions in the way you have with this write. Tis a Gold write, no doubt in my mind. Congatulations on your gift and the gold.


  • ChelseySmile
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is so well written. I love it. Especially this part

    "I'm sorry, dad, but our house was so cold that morning butter would

    never spread smoothly over your toast and I’m sorry that your cloud

    of breath was always wasted on me. "

    Congrats on gold! You earned it.


  • PerVirtuous
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    The catharsis of unwinding long-tangled twine into straight but frayed string. To everyone else it looks like a pointless exercise with string, to us it looks like the beauty of long standing disappointments undone. I love scaling the peaks of your imagination and viewing the world from the summits of your poetry.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    January 27

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    POWER-FULL!!

    Damn lady, just beat me about the head next time
    it would less 'impacting'..wow this is amazing my friend..


  • Danna Hobart
    January 27

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    This poem is brilliant. I loved the imagery- it all fit together perfectly. Thank you so much for entering.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    January 27

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    To me

    This speaks to me like a whisper in my ear. It is hard to imagine that anyone else is hearing it.
    There's genius in this.


  • thepoetssoul
    January 24

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    Im glad I stopped by this one again it is beautifully written.Really enjoyed this the first time I read it.
    Full of real life feelings expressed so well.
    Your a brilliant poet.

    Tony


  • just mercedes gold member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    This poem to me is a demonstration of the power of poetry, to allow examination of the past, and see clearly what has been clouded by memory and emotion.

    Brave. Process of peeling and healing.


  • yael
    January 20

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    "I'm sorry, dad, but our house was so cold that morning butter would never spread...your cloud of breath was always wasted on me."

    i love this part. the title means so much. i can relate to this poem very much.


  • sunflowerchic91
    January 17
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    This poem paints a beautiful picture in my mind.


  • Swan song gold member
    January 16

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    Oh my this sank into me like a stone.
    A wave of sadness and yet like you are
    beautiful beautifully written


  • tomisb
    January 14

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    sounds of my father show up sometimes in the anger that arises between me and my son. It always stops me. It reminds me, I am not my father nor my son me -- but, there is a heritage I do not want to pass along and there is a relationship with my child I want to create that I never had.

    I know these letters. I know the emotional abuse. The physical is known as well. It is all the same and it is all different and we all reacted and contracted in our own ways. Poetically, this is stunning.

    Peace & Light,
    Tom B.


  • Cannonsfire
    January 14

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    This reminds me of the journal I wrote my mother. It was wrung out several times over and ripped and beaten but somehow I made it through. Guess the write of the words we never say can sometimes bring an end to how we feel. This made me remember again C


  • june0
    January 13
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    This is a sad & touching poem. It's well written as it exposes your deep inner emotions.

  • silverfish
    January 13

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    by the same heat in your anger and your blood, a poetic reckoning thaws the ice a little, uncovers the wreckage in a cold landscape. -fish


  • satans-daughter
    January 13

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    woah...

    the beauty of this haunting poem moves me and mades me shudder to the edge but i loved it, your a great poet ^^ its not easy to submit an extremely personal poem either, i dont think so anyways hehe keep up the great work!!
    cliona xxx


  • BleedingBlackTears
    January 12

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    neato write, really well penned, expressed mountainous emotion and almost paradoxial indifference at the same time. its kind of touching in that i just watched a good old style movie way. really well done great language techniques. keep up the good work.xx ez


  • Luciferschild
    January 11
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    weird and serene, good job


  • shipfingers
    January 11

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    This is very pretty and very at peace with itself. What a way to start out my reading!

    ~J. Pronek


  • Zeprina-Jaz
    January 10

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    Oooh.

    Haunting. *shudders* Your style shows the process of thoughts and also conveys the subtelty of emotions which are very hard to capture. nice write.


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    January 10

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    too heavy for words of how this deeply moved me...esp it's about your dad...very personal

    Anna Lee


  • Everwind Rising
    January 10

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    Poignant and reflective. Sad that we so often take on the negative traits of our family. This was really kinda heart wrenching.


  • MacDad
    January 9
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    Great poem

    Excellent use of imagery!


  • Namita
    January 9
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  • W B Burkholder
    January 8
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    Brutally truthful in its rendering, well done


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    January 8

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    excellent


  • thepoetssoul
    January 8
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    Beautiful piece of writing, love the story line and visuals you place within.Its a very strong piece, the second paragraph is wonderfully creative.Thanks for sharing your poetic talent.

    Tony


  • motel silver member
    January 8

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    I really understand this one, especially the last stanza.
    I have no problem finding my father within me and expressing that side. however my mother is buried so deep, she rarely surfaces.
    it's a shame ... she was lovely.
    anyways, thanks.


  • Ademon
    January 8

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    I think this is amazing, and like almost everyone else...

    I flew away, far from you but not the anger, which follows me
    and fills me, the way one is filled with blood and bone.

    my favorite line...


  • maa gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    dear tara,

    I wonder why I haven't "found you" before, your sensitivity of soul and true poetic gift touches me beyond words ...
    you express what so many amongst us might feel and wish to communicate, but don't dare or feel unable to ... you are the gentle voice of all those who are still waiting for the "garbage to become compost" - sorry for the not so poetic metaphor, it's the only one that popped up on my mind's screen ...
    I wish you much joy and happiness,
    please know you are loved by many, even by some you haven't met yet ...

    much, much, much love
    maa


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!
    This is some powerful stuff here.
    Here's my awesome line of the day winner:
    "I flew away, far from you but not the anger, which follows me
    and fills me, the way one is filled with blood and bone."

    You are a fantastic writer. I could learn much from you!


  • Dalaney gold member
    January 7

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    you are such an inspiration to me. your writes never ever leave me without wanting more. i like your slush

    Lane

  • dx d by me
    January 7

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    I enjoy your amazing versitility! You seem fearless poetically, to explore the depth of your emotions and pain. The honesty of your work is priceless. I'm always humbled by its excellence. Geo


  • philosphyofkate silver member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    this is... hm. hard to say what i want to say. this made me think of how my grandfather was a huge, angry, cruel person and i find so much of him inside of me. and how i hate it for being there, and love it for making me the only person in the world who can fight him properly. i cannot find the words to better explain how this worked for me, but work it did.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Um, might I recommend a nice glass of wine or two? Just kidding...I aspire to write with intrinsic magical freedom like you Tara...such beauty.

    With much love,
    MJ.


  • faderman1959
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Life experiences are what make us what we are. Be they good or bad they are all important as they are all little pieces of who we are. Such and emotional poem but so thought provoking also! It may sound weird but this is such a touching poem in as they we can all relate in some way or other. Quite moving and very good!


  • And Hyetal
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    'the way one is filled with blood and bone.'

    It is easy to feel the power in this piece; I really love the way you put things.


  • arafura gold member
    January 7
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    This is wonderfully well written. Memories can be both friend and foe. I felt it all Tara!

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • CaliOkie silver member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Too heavy to send; too heavy to carry; too heavy to get out from under. It bends your shoulder and bows your back and keeps you facing the ground. It keeps you from seeing the sky -- and everyone should see the sky. And even when you let go of it, it may be a while before you learn to raise your head and straighten your back. But, it may be something you can learn from a child.

    This is so good. You express this internal conflict so well, for it is not with your father you struggle, but your father in you. Like a stunning blow we one day realize we are more our parents than we are ourselves -- a thing our children often teach us. Still, we can move mountains to help them turn out better than we did . . . though they could have done much worse. And like our children, we have to grow and mature a little bit each day.

    Thank you for sharing this one. It is certainly one to provoke much thought and self reflection.

    Garrison


  • Harrisham Minhas
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Aww....this is sad.

    "I'm sorry, dad, but our house was so cold that morning butter would never spread smoothly over your toast"

    Well-expressed.





  • monstruo
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    a touching letter tara. excellent.


  • J.J. Sass
    January 7

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    Sigh, this turned out so painfully beautiful Tara. It hits very close to home for me, but I still can't quite write to my dad yet. I've written about (experiences with) him, but certainly not to him. See, I told ya you got a strong heart!


  • Jersene gold member
    January 7
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    this letter is deeply heartfelt. You write it so beautifully.


  • Kiran silver member
    January 7

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    Very deep and emotive and just brilliantly written. Excellent.

  • Rowan gold member
    January 7

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    Ouch.
    I was a bitter person for years, took me too long to realize how this was only really affecting me and those I loved around me.
    I loved that first stanza. Actually, the entire piece. Some really moving work from the slush sisters lately.


  • Sonja
    January 7

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    Sometimes anger follows as as a shade, sometimes it is followed by sorrow, but it is much worst when we become indifferent for it. And the best thing is when we realize the time when we grew up. It is not easy. Most of people thinks this is related to age of 18 or 20. How wrong they are! With this poem you show to all of us how big and wise and mature you are, as a poet and as a person.
    ~Sonja~


  • chloris
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    this letter breathes of the girl and woman that you have become...


  • notorious gold member
    January 7
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    Perfect in every possible way; now why analyze that?


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    January 6

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    You are one of the most talented poets that I know.
    You amaze me everytime.
    I think this is the most personal piece I have ever read from you.
    No matter the past, it has turned you into the amazingly beautiful woman that you are today.
    This is an emotional piece, sad in a way, yet it showes your beauty. Be proud, because you came out on top.

    Love Ya,
    Joyce


  • Desire gold member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My~

    Bless Your Heart Beautiful and Love how You penned this Gem~
    tugs hard and gets to the core~
    brings forth memories I don't forget but need to remember~ that is how I feel Blessed to be me
    Love this!!
    It takes more than Strength to pen~
    I admire You
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Voice~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
    Best wishes always
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Pure Thought silver member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    My congrats to you and all who worked on this. Well balanced and written.
    Buddy


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    I love how this turned out
    It has such an impact and message
    and Mary really has said it best


  • Joseph Hollis
    January 6

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    Well, it looks like you and the rest of the group did a lovely job with this piece. I especially enjoyed this bit:

    "our house was so cold that morning butter would
    never spread smoothly over your toast"

    Well done. This one is a keeper.


  • Cat gold member
    January 6

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    anger is such a difficult thing- it bubbles from some folks..
    i always admire those i know who understand they carry it.. and work to stifle it..
    my father was justly so a very angry man
    my brother swore years before he had a child that he would not have a child until he could completely control his own anger.. by the time his son was born
    he was the most patient man i'd ever seen..

    we are only our parents children for so long.. and then we become our own making.. and when i think of you.. i think of beauty and kindness
    .. your father would not be pleased with that outcome

    this is such an effective letter..


  • Peteskid gold member
    January 6

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    really well done, you have reached deeply and this is the reward for the effort...a gem...PK


  • BehindTheShadow
    January 6

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    It amazes me how your itty bitty pieces can knock the wind right out of me, then when I regain my composure, the urge always overwheIms me to read it again. Such a sad piece, a personal glimpse that is wickedly written. Great job, I think you are one of the best.


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    January 6

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    I remember growing up and thinking about one or the other of my parents... I will NEVER be that way with MY kids. Unfortunately, from time to time I find that I do exactly that. And even worse, while my children bear some of my best qualities/talents, they seem also to have inherited/learned several of my least lovely traits, here to remain unmentioned! So now, I have to work on them and me at the same time!

    I love how your nature imagery has become synonomous with your story here. The idea of "whiteout" and the image of the snow covering up all that "was" is so on point. I also especially loved the parallel between the bird's "shadow" and the idea that you "flown away." Really remarkable imagery and emotion. Loved this, T.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    My favourite part of this poem is the part about the butter not spreading maybe it is just my perspective, but I know a four year old who gets mightily frustrated when the butter sticks ... anyway - the rest of the poem was just as powerful in its imagery - and although this poem left me sad - it is beautifully written



    Polly


  • voices
    January 6
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    DUDE, DAMN!!!


  • charcoal
    January 6
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    these are strong words and strong emotions.

    you write so well.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    January 6

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    Powerful...

    You are such a talented soul, I say this in truth!
    I love to read your works, and enjoy them so much!
    Another amazing piece you weave my friend, pen on!

    -Timothy


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    ooo...I wanted to add..that I love love love the title. so much depth in it


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    uh, that last stanza is just awesome. I really love your imagery and metaphors as always this is absolutely beautiful and very honest I love it!



  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    January 6

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    To quote redbird, "lovelylovelylovelylovely"
    lol

    You are a beautiful woman.


  • Nangaleema
    January 6

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    yes - heavy indeed.
    this reminds me of how incredibly hard it is to avoid becoming our parents. but also that there is hope for those who try. for i find it impossible to believe that one like yourself who could craft such thoughtful introspections as this with such tenderness and care could create anything but the warmest of homes. hugs - Mary Jo


  • gypsy camp
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    lovelylovelylovelylovely


  • Cup-a-Joe
    January 6

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    Tara,

    oh my this is good. I ab-so-lute-ly love this line.~
    where my childhood is the wreckage of a bird’s shadow, now buried~
    You amaze me.

    Joe


  • nancy drew
    January 6

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    aww, tara. this is just wonderful. (dont take that to mean the situation is, its sad, but you know what i mean; the writing is glorious)

  • Suzanne Dia
    January 6

    Edit | Reply


    This turned out great, tara.

    love the line breaks you added...



    yay slushies!


  • Mari Goes gold member
    January 6
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    You...I want to hug and tell you how great you are

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    I can understand this letter too well.


  • paulcreates silver member
    January 6

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    Aw the most telling phrase in here is "...the wreckage of a bird’s shadow." It's hard to rid one's self from one's self. I understand. This is a little more different in that I'd describe it as 'raw'. But it's that 'anger' that propels the poetry.
    Good job.
    Paul


  • Melodies
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    A poignant poem with a twist of sorrow and love, mixed with a helping of anger... beautifully written by a fine poetess whose mind is ever sparking amazing lines.

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