Sweet and cold
Spring drizzled kisses on my face
That stung as drifted down my heart
Like distant memories bitter sweet
Then exhaled your name to wintry air
A warmed forbidden whisper
That twirled 'round these naked ears
You always said you wished to fly
In moisture of Spring's Winter break
Well, fly away Love,
Fly
And in this short moment
Of eyes closed tight
I'll miss you.
Author notes
Option 3
A contest entry
- You Are My Memory by SeaWithYourHeart.
700 points, ended January 13, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love the complete intertwining of the elements/seasons with the relationship. So beautifully done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Definitely,
a very wonderful indeed!
as expected to one of my favorite poet!
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"Spring drizzled kisses on my face"
beautiful imagery
and a splendid ending!
I loved your simplicity and the quality of your thoughts.
I felt sometimes you skipped words and therefore the image was less potent because I had to add the word to complete the sentance a good example was here:
"That stung as drifted down my heart"
I thought that this line didn;t make sense unless you added
"That stung as droplets (or some other metaphor)drifted down my heart"
and the images are the most important
other than that it was beautifully written
good luck
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This is nice, its emotive efforts work well, the imagery and metaphors are nice, btw, winter's/wintry. Very nice to meet your aquaintence, and nice poem.
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damn.
great write.
"in this short moment Of eyes closed tight"...
beautiful, little girl.
big clappies!
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