" Just give me a soft pillow
Or just one friendly shoulder
Feasting on a bottle of whiskey and some pills
So I can sleep enough to get to another day"-from 'Centre The Calm'
To tired to care and to numb to feel must my life continue this way
The total disregard and disrespect has finally gotten to me
My barriers have been breached and I don't really want to flee
Putting down the bottle and throwing down the pills
I stand up on my own two feet and head out for the hills
I know that I have come to far to let it all go now
I refuse to give them the satisfaction of knowing they broke my shell
Like a little fighting demon I choose to face the next day
I shall hold my head up proudly and walk the other way
The total disregard and disrespect shall have no affect on me
Because I have the power and I choose to set me free
Author notes
I don't know if this is what you were looking for but this is what I came up with. My user name is Veronica-Armijo
A contest entry
- The Mystery Poem Quote Prompt Contest No.3 by Glasyalabolas.
1400 points, ended February 11, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i really like the line my barriers have been breached gr8 write
-
I'm really tired, so this will come off more rough than I would like, sorry!
Here goes:
Your "to"s in the first line should be "too"s (Same for when you say "come to far" should be "come too far")
Your rhyme scheme confuses me
Last line "set myself free" instead of "set me free"
As for a title, it is difficult to pinpoint one as this poem is, frankly, rather vague. The metaphors aren't deeply evaluated on so they add little and the rest is a bit rantish instead of poetic. It's more of a motivational speech.
That being said, possible titles:
"Onward"
"Stand"
"For the hills"
Best of luck!
-
powerful stuff - how about Rebellion as a title. also fix your to in line 6 it should be a too.
-
Great one here, and as for a title...ummm "Pillows Of Freedom" but nice eitherway.
-
Good take on the prompt, very relatable and easy to get into, giving the reader not only an insight but a chance to identify with feelings.
Good write.
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
So....I really, really like this...i don't know if what i believe it's about is what it's about specifically but you can interperet in different aspects of your life....it makes me feel like even though i'm all fucked up i still have a chance to be free...great write and thanks for commenting on mine...i hope you read more....
-
No probs.
Poem Quote Prompt No.3 is:
“Just give me a soft pillow
Or just one friendly shoulder
Feasting on a bottle of whiskey and some pills
So I can sleep enough to get to another day” – from 'Centre The Calm'
Many thanks.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
