Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

the evolution of an eternity

‘ are you contented to waste away without the romantic frivolities?’
i asked so earnestly with still winter air swallowed beneath my breast
response was brightly grown in the fertile fields of an old town apartment
i had nothing to regret besides my passing fancy of forever;
maybe i have been harvested no differently; still evolved to feel quixotic
just when a crescent moon hits a country lake hits cheekbones
so picturesque in the situation’s dearth of true substance

the department store sheets are still counted and folded
hospital corners for the new blooms of springtime,
soon to depart our lonesome home, a disgrace to the word,
in favor of haphazard desires; for leaving, for waiting
to spite my face, unmoved are my obligations
with folded hands in the living chair and folded hearts in the hearth
to be content is my wish as the night drops;
even now, i am so deplorable; so why graced?

Author notes

prompt: love

i wrote this one about, well, the evolution of an eternity.
it's about how you can truly believe relationships are forever at the beginning, begin to falter in the middle, but then just resign yourself to stick with it, for whatever reason.
likely just because after you've gone that far with a person, it's hard to let go. and after you mention forever, or whatever, it feels stupid and, well, deplorable, to just leave.
and there i go acting like i'm a fan of "love".
oh, i digress.

edited because i used the word "so" far too many times. it's an embarrassment, despite winning a gold award.

A contest entry

Thanks for the comment.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • LucyLightning
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    i love the wordiness of this poem.
    It expresses a ton of emotion & pretty much lays images in your head like a step by step. i quite enjoy.

  • JesseBruce
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    This one's really Good i liked it alot ty for sharing this it is awesome!!


  • sharptooth
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this a lot, it was a good take on the prompt

    i thought the question in the first line was a great segway into the evolution of thought on love and forever.

    this little snippet was awesome:so maybe i have been harvested no differently; still evolved to feel quixotic
    just when a crescent moon hits a country lake hits cheekbones

    great use of language to convey the message of the poem. enjoyed reading it

    thanks for entering
    best of luck in the contest