Twilight's mystical prose
have fallen from your seaward gaze
a language I cannot escape
loud upon my beating chest
Wander with pine needle lashes
that seek from your eyes
and levitate with mine
with words left unfound
Author notes
credit pic (Beauty___by_moonchild_ljilja)
A contest entry
- Semi- Quickie by Angelflower.
700 points, ended January 13, 2009, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Good poem.
a language I cannot escape
loud upon my beating chest
Great lines.
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an excellent read and filled with deep emotions and allows the reader to softly see behind the words...congrates on the bronze andthank you for sharing.
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Pretty!
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Devine
And seeking an interlocking of minds through the eyes of the soul we become as one. deep write.
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Nicely done. I could read this in your picture prompt. Congratulations on your trophy.
~Mary O
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This poem is soft in warming visuals.
Love the imagery and heart felt emotion.
Wonderfully vivid and oh so creative.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
Tony
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tiny thing
Not sure you need those commas. -
" ... words left unfound ... "
I'm searching for this all the time.
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this is very beautiful a lovely moment here...
i think have should be has in L2?
-- congrats on the bronze
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A wonderful write and well deserved Bronze.
Beautiful
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I like the softness I'm reading, that gentle "levitation". Lovely phrasing.
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Beautiful!! there was so much in the picture and you reached in and brought out something new, well done! thank you very much for sharing! best of luck in the contest.
Angel
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Yes..words left unfound..this is touching and amazing my friend..a great description of the love..you did a wonderful task here..well done..
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I like how you've started this poem out, 'twilight's mystical prose ..' mysterious and alluring ... you build quite nicely with each line propelling creative energy .. 'wander with ...' and 'concrete flowers'.
The last couplet I'm unsure about ... the syntax isn't connecting with my brain.
heh ... but it is late, and I'm at the tail-end of a 10 hour day.
Best of luck in the contest!
s~w
Steve
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my goodness..
I'm a little worried now, maybe i should pull my piece now before the judging starts?
excellent my friend..
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ha ha...I was going to pull mine from the contest!
So many awesome entries!!
I'll keep mine if you keep yours
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Beautifully written. I enjoyed this alot. Best of luck in the contest.
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