Beauty immortal
your love
could never die
why you calling me
tauntingly,
you keep haunting
me..
with those 'life-lived'
eyes..
mind
starts
to fantasize
each day I awake
I see the sun light
up the day..HEY
see how you,
set my mind astray?
My dear,
beauty immortal
for you now I see
life has proved to be
just one of plastic
ceramic or clay..
once 'charge' has expelled
dear beauty immortal
your reality's gone away..
Author notes
L.O.L. Just kicking the ole footsie thru the thought puddles again..
pic.art by: Beauty___by_moonchild_ljilja)
A contest entry
- Semi- Quickie by Angelflower.
700 points, ended January 13, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Your writing has such great flow to it I coulkd continue reading for hours and not have my mind wander...Lovely write, thanks for sharing, keep up the amazing work!
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aaww..
so sweet your words, you make me smile widely my friend, thanks so much..especially for finding a personal fav. of mine..
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The feeling is mutual, this is one of my personal favourites now, thanks
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i love this piece. it has bueaty and flows with such pssion. great work my friend
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aaww..
thank you sweetheart, you are the best, i truly appreciate your support always! glad u liked this write!
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Nice job...
Keep it up... "life-lived" eyes<<< like that
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thanks
appreciate my man, and yeah.. i think that line was a fav. of mine too..
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why you calling me
tauntingly,
you keep haunting
me..
See that's the rhyming and rhythm i love in your poetry. Good stuff man, keep it up!!
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aaww..
well no worries, i couldn't stop if i wanted to! it's embedded in my soul..thanks so much for so many wonderful comments lady..i'n flattered beyond what i can say...
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Your mix works
You have an unique style that mixes sentimental with shoot from the hip. Like this......HEY
see how you,
set my mind astray?
Just shout out at that haunting woman! It works Swan...it works. I like the enternal rhyme also, as with
why you calling me
tauntingly,
you keep haunting
me..
Very nice pen. Kudos!
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aaww shucks!
l.o.l. thank you my friend, i'm so flattered.. and yeah i am profusely happy you liked this because it happens to be a personal fav. of mine..b
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Brilliant I'm speechless and that sayin alot wonderful write
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aawww...
what a very flattering thing to say!! i thank you kindly lady..i'm happy you liked this write, and appreciate your reading and commenting..
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An amazing write Swangrnv, I like it.
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Very good, me like it
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aaww..
thanks! i'm happy to know you liked this, and i promise to come checkout your work as well soon..
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Well Written
Damn, this is a very honest thing!
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thanks
i'm pleased you found it enjoyable and i truly appreciate your stopping by for another visit my friend..
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Absolutely Stunning write, you amaze me with your perceptive depth and your talent
I am In awe
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aaww...my friend
thank you..you're very sweet! i'm happy you liked this piece..and appreciate you so much..
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Nice
This is a good poem, keep up the great work.
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thank you
i will, at least that's the plan! l.o.l.
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This is a beautiful write. I feel as if her soul is jumping out all over the page. Teriffic imagery. I will be vising your page for more!
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thank you, glad you liked this..
i'm sorry i didn't respond sooner, but life has been crazy lately.. i will return the favor asap..
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Awesome
I was touched and more so found myself there....
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thank you
i truly appreciate your kind words.. i'll return the favor soon..
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A very powerful piece. A devastatingly beautiful write. This one pierces the soul with those " 'life-lived' eyes"..A true pleasure to read....DeeDee
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aawww.
so sweet your comment..i'm touched i'll return the favor soon..
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this is a very good write. A desire that could never happen or be fullfiled... Daithian
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i like this. very nice piece of work.
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sorry it
took me a while to read this..i'm ashamed..thanks so much and your support is greatly appreciated...
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this was very pretty, nice job!
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aaww..
thank you so much! i truly appreciate the words my friend..
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I really like the way this one reads...like your thinking out loud! I love it!
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aaww..
thank you sweetie! i'm glad you found this enjoyable, and truly appreciate your reading and your wonderful comments..
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" why you calling me
tauntingly,
you keep haunting
me..
with those 'life-lived'
eyes.."
this is simply beautiful.. brilliant write i enjoyed reading it
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thank you
i'm very pleased you liked this, and appreciate your very sweet words of encouragement..
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Don’t mention it ..
Its an honor to read such good poetry like this ^_^
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Haha, oh I loved the AN Splendid. Great write as well. The title is fantastic. I love these lines best:
why you calling me
tauntingly,
you keep haunting
me..
with those 'life-lived'
eyes..
Adore them. Great piece.
S
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thank you!
I truly appreciate this wonderful comment, anmd glad liked the write..
will visit your 'home' soon.. promise..
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Gr8t poem
Loved the wording, "the taunting and haunting"
You have great style! Enjoyed this.
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thank you!
you have a great way of commenting that turns me into a marshmellowed fellow! l.o.l. i appreciate the support my friend truly..
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How deep this is. Well done.
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thank you
i appreciate your reading and comments my friend, it means alot to me..
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great work.. it all flowed well together.. and the
back ground well it makes it creepy but in a good way... ya know? lol
Blessed Be
Green Mother Rose
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thank you
i truly appreciate your kind words!
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Great Puddling friend! Lol. Fun! A beautiful idea.
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What a very beautiful poem I enjoyed it
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aawww...
thank you my friend, glad you liked it!
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I ahve seen you around AP, and it's my lost to not have stopped by and read some of your work, I see this is a very good write, keep it up!!!!
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well thanks..
I'm glad you decided to stop and check something out this time, and also happy to see you apparently liked what you found to read..i appreciate it kindly sir..
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WOW.. just noticed, you have over 100 comments on this.. whoa. that's fantastic! must be a record of some kind. lol
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aaww..shucks
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the flow is spectacular in this. i felt as if i was reading it as a waterfall would, freely flowing down to the end... so, so smooth and beautiful meaning. so glad i stopped by.
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wowe
thank you! such a wonderful comment, i'm very happy this was to your liking lady! thank so so much..
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Wow, I'm impressed. You're talented!
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aaww..
well you know the saying? l.o.l. it takes one to know one!! thank you LL!
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Beauty Immortal, I really like that title. Your words are stunning and beautifully displayed. Very talent indeed.
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aaww..
now you're gonna make me tear up! you are so very sweet! thanks a heap my friend!
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LOL, ok, here's a kleenex, your welcome.
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ahh, im really in love with this poem. (: it means so much!
thank you for an enjoyable read, and dont ever stop writing! (:
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thank you
i appreciate you sweet comment..
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This is really sweet..very sweet..
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thank you
So kind of you to say so! i'm flattered you liked this write and appreciate your reading and commenting..
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.5 – Not a bad title at all. I found it somewhat appealing, but I think it gives a little bit too much information about the content of your poem.
Poem Flow: 8.95 – Lack of consistent punctuation made this read somewhat choppy. I didn’t know where to stop/slowdown and start up again, so I ended up reading it rather quickly. The third stanza seems to stick out like a sore thumb – almost humorous in what is supposed to be a serious poem? No? Yes?
Depth: 7.55 – The power and impact just don’t seem to be there, especially with that third stanza thrown in there.
Emotional Impact: 7.25 – Just didn’t feel it.
Spelling and Grammar: 9.75 – Good job.
Punctuation and Caps: 7 - I might’ve capped “beauty immortal”, and you caps are lacking in other places. I would’ve added so much more punctuation to this poem! Proper punctuation, IMO, is soooo important to the power and impact of a poem. Punctuation pauses and stops the reader at the appropriate places so that he/she can reflect on your thoughts and absorb them….connect with them. Again, my opinion. I’m not a fan of “…” at the end of sentences.
Presentation: 9.75 – Broken up properly and aesthetically pleasing.
Personal Appeal: 7.25 – I just didn’t connect with this piece. I’m sorry.
My score: 66.00/80.00
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thank you
good luck? l.o.l.apparently based on the critique, luck won't help this! l.o.l. thanks for reading and commenting ..
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You are too hard on your self. This was great.
***Rae***
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aaww...
you're just a very sweet lady, but i'll take you're kindness and RUN LIKE THE WIND! l.o.l. appreciate your support my friend..
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Wow this is amazing, great work. So beautifully written
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thank you
so happy you liked this, and i will return the favor very soon.
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beauty inside immortality, reality (though yes it may seem plastic at times) fades away and fantasy runs through rainbow imagination. a good poem.
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thanks!
yeah, physical beauty truly is fleeting huh? appreciate your comment my friend and glad you enjoyed this piece..
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Haunting me with those life lived eyes...
I loved that line. Just one of plastic, ceramic, or clay - All too often I dare say.
I enjoyed this very much.
~Pamela 
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aaawww...
my sweet Pamela! hi lady! i'm very pleased to see you, and happy you found this to your liking! thanks so much for your time reading and commenting..
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nice style, it says a lot in a different way, soft but not mushy,sensitive but not overly emotional. the structure gives it strength and a nice flow. pretty creative and shows confidence. a true poet.
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aawww..thanks!
Very sweet words, I truly appreciate it ,and now I'm going to head over to ya hood n check u out!
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heh, that was a blessed rap to be pleased with, excellent, I may copy this style, brilliant.
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thank you
My friend you are too kind, i truly appreciate the compliment and your support..
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I loved this. I am, too from Western New York, but that has no bearing on the beauty of this poem. I shall have to read more.
Blessed Be,
***Rae*** -
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thank you!!
my fellow New Yawker in the house!! i appreciate this so much, and i'm pleased you found it enjoyable to read.
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Very clever writing here. I love this
you keep haunting
me..
with those 'life-lived'
eyes..
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aaaww..
thank you! coming from such an exceptional poetess as yourself, i will have to say it is a great honor to get such a wonderful comment!! i truly appreciate the time yo took to read and comment..
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bravo
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thank you!
appreciate the read and comment..
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Good footsieing man! lol
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l.o.l.
thanks! i appreciate the read and the comment! also happy you liked this.
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Beauty Is Wondrous
Beauty is loves adornment in the softest sense both inside as well as out the inside so prevalent thus sustaining outer beauties form regaling in of itself if only just a simple smile. This work makes me smile a glorious smile your work gifts a wondrous cadence there is a rhyme that is subtle with just the right flavour to entice… wonderful work darling my heartfelt thank you for this most lovely post.
Lady E
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aaww..
you're too kind my new friend! thanks so much and I'm happy you liked this write..
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I really like this. I like the light and playful wording of this piece. It is straight forward and flows effortlessly. Great write. - cgirl0410
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hey you!
long time no see..good to have you back..i realize you got some new posts, i will be reading them..thanks so much my friend i appreciate your time and comment..
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Beautifully written
What a gifted poet/ visionary you are
Thanks for sharing your undeniable talent.
Love peace
campanaro
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thank you!
wow, i'm truly moved by your words thank you for wonderful praise i truly appreciate your time reading and commenting on my work..
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you have a thing with flow...you do it so well, your poetry sounds like music! :) I think I tell you this all the time...lol. But that's what I like so much about you poems! you are like no other poet on this site with that sort of talent.
I love it*rose*
*hug*
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aaww...
could you make me feel any more mushy?? thank you so much sweetheart!! i'm so happy you liked this and that you feel that way about my writings, but hey...you're pretty darn special yourself with your pen lady!!
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This is...FAAAN-
TASTIC!!!! My new fav of your many great works.
Hey! Did you hear scientist have discovered a jellyfish that is immortal? Yep true! The little bugger grows to maturity, mates then repoduces it's cells to grow young again. Then the cycle just keeps on going.
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< thank you!
I thank you profusely my sweet sweet friend, it's way too
kind of you to say that, but wow i'm humbled thank you again.. -
wow
what a great comment! missed your visits my friend and glad to see you back on these pages! now.. HOW MUCH DO I OWE YA?
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I enjoyed reading it, you are very talented. thank you.
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aaww..
thank you! I'm very pleased you found my work enjoyable, and truly appreciate the time you took to read and comment on it..
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hot flashes!!
now how am I going to sleep with all those images in my mind???
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