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The Tree

The wind


                                                                                soft,
                                                                breath’s fingers
                                                                upon my cheek


rustling the leaves


                                            colored with a year’s old age
                                                    wrinkled from a dry air
                                            that signals what is to come


on a tree,


                                                              naked branches,
                                                                aching to touch
                                                            the burning stars,
                                                        bent with frustration
                                                              at their yearning


holding onto the earth


                                                              roots so tangled
                                                                    in cool dirt,
                                                                      like a web,
                                                                drinking in life
                                                              from the world.

Author notes

This poem started to me when I was just about to fall asleep. I tried to make it grow, please tell me if it works.

Prompt:

2) TREES

Picture #15

A contest entry

What do you think? How can I improve? What was your least favorite part? Your favorite?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • StormyDawn
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very wonderful write. The way you wrote though, the style, it's a little confusing to read. Thank you for entering, and best of luck.


  • AbidoodleCullen
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering and good luck!
    <3 Abi

  • Judith Chandler
    January 21
    Edit | Reply
    It looks like you have places these words and phrases very carefully.

    It works for me.


  • Kathraina silver member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh love what you did with the prompt! Great imagery and flow, and I love the way it grows in story. Great job and good luck!

    ♥ Kathraina


  • thejollytinker
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    It does work- I liked the shifts and the growth- the progression. You ever write haiku or tanka? With your ability to construct, you'd be a natural! Thank you so much for entering- Gresham


    • Chocoholic156
      January 8
      Edit | Reply
      I write Haiku sometimes, but not tanka. Thank you so much for that comment! It means a lot to me that someone likes this!
      It just made my day!

1 - 6 of 6