Bitter Remembrences

I had wished not to outlast this, but I have survived~
Searched coast to coast for my end, but
(I'm still alive)
Don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know there is
(nowhere left for me to hide)~
Only still I am forced to face it head on, begging it to consume me,
Instead I consume it in a matter of short time
(not short enough of time)
And it becomes a part of me, I will overcome every challenge I
intentionally had made
(except those with a purpose)
Made to destroy myself, immortality and nocturnity be the curse I
endure through
(Misanthropic flames)
I am the (Shadow), the night time shade, through sickness and
depression stand alone in the glade~
(once beautiful and green)
Scars on my wrists from an idle blade, my joy & physical health are
the only things that have been maimed
(now dead and dying with no hope)
But not enough to put an end to this (undesired survival), I am
consistently denied by the grim reaper~
(bastard that he is)
Watching the dissolving of all my favorite lovers, this accursed
life I fear, will never be over
(immortality is highly overrated)
Someday, after my four hundredth & seventy third birthday, after I
had spent those years a freelance rover~
(never to know true love)
And have done whatever I must in the name of survival, my
grandchildren nine times great, will then begin to wither
(insides and outside turning back into undesirable flesh)
I (dissolve in tears), eternal youth, yet my insides have all
decayed~
I do not wish to overcome any of these obstacles
(I myself had made)