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What's It Like?

tell me how does it feel to make someone cry
tell me whats on your mind when you look in my eyes

does it really feel good to hurt someone you love
do you think I'll stick around for you to push and shove

where do you go when you've got nowhere to turn
when theres nothing left to do but wonder and yearn

when your mind is spinning so far out of control
when all you wish for is just the chance to let go

while you're screaming so loud inside of your head
things that echo each night as you lay in your bed

when the tears start to well up from the things you despise
when they fall one by one from the corner of your eyes

when all of the sudden you feel cold as the night
when you realize its over and you lost the fight

is everything finally starting to fall into place
can you see the hurt thats left on my face

do you ever feel guilty for the things that you do
can't you see the pain you put people through

so tell me again how it feels to make someone cry
because I'm missing the fun part of this, tell me why

Author notes

For Contest Entries:

Shatter My Soul, Let My Heart Ache

contest: Lukewarm Coffee- Option 4, "give me your best"

contest: Winter Confusion (option 1)

7. My Immortal- Evanescence

"a rose of any color, and bright blue daisies"

A contest entry

First Impression?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • Baisi
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Oh-my-goodness!!!! I lurved this! Though (you ask for revision advice) it would be a good idea to put punctuation at the end of a sentence or stanze. I love the questions. And I'm sorry if you've actually gone through this. Great job!


    • Tanya94
      August 15
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! And yeah, I have gone through it. Experience is the only way I can write. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


  • brokenhearts1219
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    Made me teary eyed, makes me think. It has a good message to it too showing how much one thing can hurt someone and to me this is very relatable I feel like this a lot since I am a target for most people = / This poem is amazing and definetly deserved the trophys it won.


  • Sin with a grin
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    good write
    i enjoyed this piece


  • xXGoddessofPainXx
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    As I begun reading this piece, it really did like what I saw immediately. It's such a wonderful piece, like a song but it's not. The rhyme is nice as is the flow. You have a big prize winner here.. Well done young one.. Brilliant!


  • Reaper-117
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    The sheer number of contests this poem is in is impressive. I must say that the poem is enjoyable to read but comes off as more angry and accusatory than actually dark or depressing, meaning that while I am thankful for reading it, its just not what I was looking for.
    Thanks for entering.


  • Amandainlove
    March 20
    Edit | Reply
    Great work.
    Good luck.

  • deicholz
    March 1

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    i don't know much about poems but i must say this one is beyond words. makes the reader really kinda feel what u r thinking and going through. wow. awesome


  • serenity silvermoon
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really good what can i say just reading this made me cry i had so much running though my head so i dont know what to say exspet that i am here for you if you need someone to talk to and i am sorry for your pain thanks for sharing good bless you always

  • Judith Chandler
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    Unfortunately there are men like this, maybe women too, who seem to feel power when they hurt someone.


  • JaydensNanas
    February 12
    Edit | Reply

    Great job!!

    Nice flow and the rhymes weren't like forced!


  • Papers
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice! I agree with you here. I really wish those who make others cry could see and feel the pain that they are putting them through. I know that pain very well, and I think you described it wonderfully here. Nice piece and keep up the great work!


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write, thanks for the entry! The idea of this is portrayed very clearly. I did think the rhyming could use a little work, but only in some places.
    _Lena(Lazy's co-judge)


  • starving4perfection
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! i loved this! it flowed great and just the overall poem was amazing!
    "is everything finally starting to fall into place
    can you see the hurt thats left on my face
    do you ever feel guilty for the things that you do
    can't you see the pain you put people through
    so tell me again how it feels to make someone cry
    because I'm missing the fun part of this, tell me why"
    it kinda made me cry :'(
    thank you for this amazing entry and good luck in my contest


  • sanguigno
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    i dont really know how even i would revise this poem and i revise other peoples writtings for them alot. i really dont know if there is anything you can really do to make it better

    thanks for entering!


  • Maxboy gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice write and the rhyme is great.

    Best wishes in the contest


  • Twilight4Eternity
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully written!

    It has a darkness to it, which I like. And I love poems that rhyme yet aren't too cliche, which you did a great job of using good rhymes.

    I noticed in your author notes you mentioned Evanescence... I love them, and can see how this poem relates to their type of songs.


    • Tanya94
      February 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you!
      I'm glad you like it, and i love Evanescence too.


  • Ephiphany
    January 30

    Edit | Reply

    DEEP Piece.

    I admire you for sharing this.
    GOod luck and thanks for entering my contest.

    -Ephiphany


  • fairytalelovestory
    January 22
    Edit | Reply
    this is such a heartbreaking and yet beautiful poem. good luck.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 21
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the nice piece


  • Umi Juvariel
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I liked the rhyme, and the two-line scheme. I thought these breaks made this a worthy read. Excellent work and good luck in my contest.


  • JustFallingApart
    January 19
    Edit | Reply
    nice write, best of luck in the contest hope all is well


  • Horcrux.Breathing
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    deep. this poem speaks to me well done.however you have not mentioned in you'r AN witch option you chose


  • nobodys-girl
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    this reminds me of my father in such a horrible way... but really its a wonderful poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck.


  • jakesgirl
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    This Is Amaezing!!!


  • sunflowerpoet
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written. I especially liked the last two lines, it is very good. I liked the rhymes too, and the poem flows well. One suggestion I have is to correct the spelling of "despise" in the 6th stanza. Other than that I think this is a very nice poem. Keep writing.

    ~Sunflower.

  • monkeyspuppet
    January 7
    Edit | Reply

    Relatable

    I live this every day. Searching for light, knowing it's there, just unreachable at the moment. I know how it feels to have love rip from your heart. Im living it right now. There is hope. But sometimes sadness it takes a while to see it. to feel it. Dont give up hope.....im not. But we also need the chance to heal.
    HD

    • Tanya94
      January 7
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      Thanks. I'm glad that you liked it. and I wont give up hope, like you said, some things just take time to heal.

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