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awake.

i'm {still} awake              [3 AM : the birds are still sleeping,
                                        and morning madness
                                            hasn't quite caught up to the world yet]

isn't the new year          [supposed to be]
    fun?

    time's cranking up
    his rusty gears            [that he's been using
                                        for the past few millennium]

            ~


    isn't the sun
supposed to rise?            [6 AM : the sky's turning blue.
                                        i guess it's as chilled as i am]

i can see the nest
from my window -          [7 AM : mama bird's doing that horrendous ceremony
                                        labeled as 'regurgitation' - the chicks seem to enjoy it]

- and then it's all
                            f
                                a
                                      l
                                          l

                                          d
                                      o
                                w
                            n
                      .

wingbeat
          heartbeat -              [b-dump,b-dump,b-dump]   

icanflyicanflycanfly ! ...

    [i guess it's hard to stay still
    when the sky's calling your name]

Author notes

Vague morning thoughts, compiled and straightened somewhat in the evening.

Option 8 in Princess Cuddle Bug's contest.

For Habitz Die Slowly's contest... I believe this is a form of 'dirty pretty'.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • XcPrincessB
    March 23

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    I believe this is Dirty Pretty - even if only for the FALL DOWN layout.
    It is a good piece of writing - very inventive. While the content isn't "deep" the poem is still good. Thanks for entering


  • Draig aine gold member
    January 8
    Edit | Reply

    excellent write


  • Visit.Me.On.Mars
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is good i like the words you chose to use very much
    good luck
    and thanks for entering
    ---Janette


  • Still Standing gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply

    LOVE IT

    I love dirty pretty so many people hate on it on this site but you nailed this one its wonderful!!!!!!


  • Dark Otter
    January 7

    Edit | Reply

    Unique!

    I have never seen a parallel structure before. This is creative and fun. Thank you for my most unique entry so far.


  • Princess Cuddle Bug
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    this is really kewl i love the way the words are laid it! with my glasses it took me a second but i got it lol but i need for you to put your option in your AN please and thank you

    thanks for entering and good luck,
    ~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~


  • Daisy Ballerina
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    That's funny!



  • Travel Notes
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful sis. Your quiet reflective thoughts seem to be laid out like the way they must float about through your head. Love it.


  • Shakes-spear
    January 6

    Edit | Reply

    very different

    I like the thoughts here and the way you put this together. Maybe someday I will try one of these. I will have to have you teach me! The Shaker

  • Bruce silver member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is super. Are you really 11? You're very talented. I liked the parallel structure, something I've been thinking about but not seen elsewhere.


    • owlish
      January 5
      Edit | Reply
      Why would I lie about my age?
      Thank you for your comment. Means a lot to me!

1 - 13 of 13