Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

essence of a dream

under cloudless skies
the gardens hum
and lovers sing,
drowsy with life.

the nets of sin
and idle ego,
once anchored in
the fluctuating seas,
are cast adrift;

melancholy waves
sweeping in
to drag them away
and let the lovers
play another tune

before the skies
burst into flame
and tired sun sets.





Author notes

"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep."

The Tempest.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this contest

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • kedoconnor
    March 16

    Edit | Reply

    very strong

    "drowsy with life", brilliant, that line alone is world class. the dull part of life, the dull part of love is the moment we most often catch and dwell upon and it is these very seconds that lead to the reckoning of both. for as time rolls by the seconds they will go. excellant prose. i am most impressed.
    but i say swallow that time as though it means something, because has you pointed out, it will smash into oblivion perhaps before you reach the slope of the hill together. very strong. i will read more indefinitely.

    kevin o'connor/ui'connabhair

  • kedoconnor
    March 16
    Edit | Reply

    very strong


  • aeolia
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    yess! and thank *you* for the entry! i'm probably going to do another contest on obscure elizabethan dramas in a month or so, if you're interested in that as well.

    anyways, the poem. i loved the phrase "drowsy with life" (i assume you got that feeling from the play, especially the end, yes? because your phrase describes it perfectly to me). the final two stanzas were the most resonant, although i do think you could spice this up a bit by switching the word "melancholy" with something more descriptive. and maybe consider punctuation at the end of the stanzas, or else combining them, because everything felt disconnected when the poem felt like it should sadly flow & ebb. or something like that.

    lovely title, by the way! glad you liked the contest.

    -endymion


  • gypsy camp
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    yay! excellent entrant!


  • aeolia
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    your play: the tempest
    it's not all that long, and it's not a hugeass series like the most of the history plays, so hopefully you like it & it works. but let me know if you want another!


  • divebar
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    yes.

    • unraveled
      January 5
      Edit | Reply
      what's that supposed to mean
      i haven't even written anything yet

      • divebar
        January 5
        Edit | Reply
        its an "im glad youre going to be entering" yes

1 - 8 of 8