Reborn youth wrapped in foil with ribbon’s tie
while yule log roasts perdition’s flames of glee,
holiday joy spreads, that some dammed smart guy
Sainted Nick-Nock, a Wii left under tree.
Pins knocked down between sips of eggnog’s brew
spiced with extra rum to prick sport’s trial,
as sweat runs down ancient brow while mirth’s crew
entreats ignorance to try it awhile.
Noble personage fallen on green field
of glory that lobbies shots sans remorse,
while cookie platter parleyed for dropped shield
draws no attention away from game’s force.
Enthroned in Lazy-Boy while defeat stings,
this old bard cannot standeth those vile things!
Author notes
PERICLES: A man whom both the waters and the wind,
In that vast tennis-court, have made the ball
For them to play upon, entreats you pity him.
Pericles, II, i
A sonnet. 
A contest entry
- Project Literacy: Shakespeare by aeolia.
500 points, ended March 18, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspired by Shakespeare by dreamsxcalling.
700 points, ended July 9, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I have not read Pericles, but this was quite a good write. While in the other contest you entered meter appears to be important, it is not a requirement for mine. Thank you very much for your entry.
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i wouldn't have expected a poem like this about pericles (it's been over two years since i've read the play, honestly), but it's original and pretty good. i really liked where you took it. not often does one find a sonnet with cleverly-placed mentions of modern trifles like the Wii (should be capitalised in the poem, by the way, as it's a proper noun).
the one issue i had with this was the metre; most of the time it's good, as in the second line, but sometimes you slip a little. for instance, the "holiday" line is off, and in line five, "between" throws off the flow. there are a few other places where you slip out of the iambic. you might want to go over this again and read it aloud. but it's nothing major, and besides i'm not the best with metre either and i could just be hearing or reading everything incorrectly. you seem to understand the form well.
thanks a lot for the entry, and sorry about the wait in judging!
-endymion
ps, cos i forgot to put this earlier: "cannot standeth" sounds weird. something along the lines of "imports him not" or "likes/stands not" could work if it fits the metre. -
your play: pericles
but if you've read that, then maybe king john or coriolanus?
can't wait to see what you enter!
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