You are vertical, a ladder
ascending from nothing
and just like a blanket
of panic they say
impressions
speak for themselves but
those words are empty like
the novel you were reading.
Blank pages dripping
exactly what the night carries
coldness
The still in still life, defines you,
a life that never moves and as
abstract as this poets words.
You are horizontal, a place for
rightful beauties to claim their
own, the deep ocean
drowns
you, because your not a fish
heading to the homeland, one
stray mammal is just like a shedding
hair on my head, it doesn't matter
I could just blow it off.
Until the hair falls to the floor
then it just becomes part of the
picture.
Author notes
Prompt: Charientism: an artfully veiled insult
Username: uglyfetus
Hope you like sorry its a bit late of an entry.
A contest entry
- November Rounds #3 by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended January 12, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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uglyfetus this really rocks!
Your poetry explains a lot of many to me, so much that it wants to make me cry for you, your music makes me feel for your sadness. And so I just hope that you can write a lot of awesomes poems exactly like this one!
Sakura Avalon
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"Blank pages dripping
exactly what the night carries
coldness
The still in still life, defines you,
a life that never moves and as
abstract as this poets words."
WOW. i loved the style of this, how it's semi broken up. it's a nice punch in the gut . the flow was great. simply AWESOME !!!!
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You have been so adept at the veiled slap!!! Just wonderfully penned, writhing sentiments. I can see the twisted lips in your mind as this is played out, and the genuine "thank you" of the hapless victim! Yep a Favorite! Geo
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Wow. Depressing. Love how your words are so abstract, lol
This is wonderfully original ^^ Really vivid imagery. Fantastic work!
Eph -
Bandit Appreciation!
Thank you for entering this write into the Bandit Reading List
your participation is appreciated!
The Poetic Bandits
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I was actually moved and stunned at the same time
so many hard hitting truth in your words
and how you deliver your thoughts is very artistic
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Wow!! This is amazing, your words drew me in instantly and kept me interested til the end. I love the phrasing and word choice throughout, and the scene you create. I also like how stanza one starts with "you are vertical", and stanza three starts with "you are horizontal". This piece ties together perfectly at the end, and yet leaves so much for interpretation and for the reader to carry with them, which I really like
Well penned,
~lost
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Thank you for a much unexpected comment.
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Bandits Unite
A well written contemptuous poem a little sardonic and reproachful,though strong in metaphor and trifling
with humour clever write....George...
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This was really different, really original flow, a lot said and communicated, great write, I enjoyed the read.
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Outstanding
I thought this was a strong poem that speaks of contempt but manages to make this poetic at the same time- not easy to achieve. The metaphors were well-chosen and I liked the slightly abstract quality to this poem. Best of luck in the contest.
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Great write! I really like this one.
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This is very skillfully put together, and quite humorious actually, in an insulting kind of way, ha! ha! Great imagery and very well done..
Love & light
Debbera
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Nicely done
I love how you connect a bad relationship to an artform in the title. My favorite part is the first part where it sets the tone for the poem. I can imagine a couple sitting in separate chairs. One (obviously the male) is oblivious and reading a novel. While the female is looking at him in a undescribable feeling but it is a feeling of longingness for love.
The second stanza the still in still life sounds a bit awkward. Puts a different meaning to the poem. I picture a beautiful woman in a museum admiring a painting to the point she sharing an emotional connection to it. Even more of one than to the person that is breathing presumably.
The third act or stanza blends the two themes together. That maybe the husband is dead inside and the wife is frustrated to the point where she can just "blow it off".
Until the hair falls to the floor
then it just becomes part of the
picture.
I believe it means that she won't find anything better at this point. So until the husband dies ,the husband and wife are just part of a picture.
I learned a new word today.
Charientism: an artfully veiled insult
How do you say that?
I think it influenced my review of this. Regardless you did a great job with this poem. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Hey thank you, I liked the comment you gave.
I'm not even sure how to pronounce Charientism, I have tired but it doesn't work.
Anyways thank you I loved the comment.
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well done
I too enjoyed the imagery of this, it is well written and definately artfully veiled.
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Hey thank you
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Bandits Reading List ~
Very interesting;
I am in adoration of the imagery that flows from the words so carefully down the page -
"Blank pages dripping
exactly what the night carries"
Awesome lines!
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Hey thank you for the comment, it is
the first I have ever gotten from you,
I am much honored.
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Very interesting and subtlely insulting as intended. The title is well chosen and the words prick the skin. The stream of consciousness style works well and sounds like the spoken word. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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You certainly did the prompt justice and in that a wonderful write, taking me on a emotional journey. Loved it you are one talented young woman! Bravo!!
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Hey thank you!
Its the first insult I am proud of LOL
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ouch
My mother can write a letter like this telling someone off for something they did and they will be in tears. I like your write and though beautiful to read....I would not like to get it mailed directly to me. i like to think that people don't see me this way! LOL The Shaker
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Haha thanks for the comment. I was trying to make an artfully veiled insult indeed.
Looks like it did its job.
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