Cough, move
Do anything.
Do anything but just lie there
Grab my hand, grip it tight
Break us out of this despair
Give me a sign that you're alright.
Open your eyes
To look in mine
These are NOT our goodbyes
Please. You're going to be fine.
Give me anything, give me a sign
That one day, one day soon,
Our fingers may again intertwine
That you may again hear our tune.
Please, God, I'll do whatever it takes
Just bring him back to me
I'm going to sit here until he wakes
D'you hear ME? Bring him back, let us be.
Please, baby. Give me something
And say my name.
What did you think?
Comments
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I feel your words, the sadness behind them. I almost lost my brother to a drug overdose. I was there watching him pass and there was nothing I could do. It was like an out of body experience. I was helpless.
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thank you very much for your comments. i will make it a reward comment but i dont know how to. if you could just tell me how i will do that. thanks for everything.
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this is really good. i like how you ended it. the only problem i see is in the third stanza, third line, "out" should be "our", right?
and, (to me) the repetition of "give me a sign" in the end of the second stanza and the beginning of the fourth felt a little off, but maybe you wanted it like that? maybe, if you don't want that to be repeated, you could switch the first "give me a sign" with "let me know" or something like that.
but this was a great poem, i really feel the hardcore attention to the littlest things that the author is waiting for, just to know that he's alright, and then everything else will be okay. great job.
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