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Ice Storm

Like diamond dripping from an elegant ladies ear,
The cold shapes it beautifully, whilst to the skin it sears.
Abandoned infinity, not a human in sight,
While nature works its wonder, turning the landscape white.
Kingdom of ice and domain of silent treasures,
Only the understanding can feel the creative pleasures.
Impenetrable fortress leaves no man on his feet,
Not even the coward who beats a hasty retreat.
Thrones of crystal, upon dance the storms,
Recreating our existance, our values and norms.
Sculpting the land from a flawless asset,
Looking so fragile, whilst being so heavyset.
Step out of your depth and into the cold,
Into an age of uncertainty, of stories only told.
Here there is nothing that seems out of place,
Except for the signs of life, against the cold they brace.
In this world it is us that is the flaw,
In this Ice Storm is where I saw.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 7, 2009

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    Some lovely images in this piece and I do appreciate the edit. I love where you took the prompts in this piece.

    Couple of things:

    Kingdom of ice and domain of silent treasures,
    Only the understanding can feel the creative pleasures.

    I love these rhymed couplets but thought they might be more effective without the "the's"

    as in:

    only understanding can feel creative pleasures

    This line: "In this world it is us that is the flaw,"
    should be: "In this world it is we who are the flaw"

    Again, truly a lovely take on this prompt. Thank you for a splendid and mature entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela

  • Bad Bill gold member
    January 7, 2009
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    Some excellent imagery and nicely-phrased lines - good work!

    Best of luck,
    Bill


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 6, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    ooh your last line - you used the quote prompt when specifically asked not to. If you would like to do some re-working that will be fine. I will be back. ~Pamela

  • Eusebius
    January 5, 2009

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    A superb poem filled with wonderful and twice potent images...ah, the cold, the ice.... loved it, loved it!!

1 - 5 of 5