In this Moment

In This Moment

Dense clouds hover over the horizon.
My eyes pierce the darkness of the
Early morning hour, as
I gaze through a narrow slat of
The Venetian blinds-
I have yet to slumber.
I sit pensively though unaware of the
Profound silencing of my heartbeat,
I would uphold the sanctity of this moment if I could-
In this special but extraordinary instance,
I entertain in thoughts and memories that
Emanate both laughter and as such,
A few tears of innate sorrow, which would
Dry before they stream down my flushed cheeks-
My mind is a whirlwind in a cesspool of confusion-
Discerning reality is at this moment
Near to impossible, as
My world and veracity have become intermeshed.
Blackened nights are
Illuminated by a crescent moon and
A few shooting stars scattered about the darkened sky, and as
The light inside this room remains dim –
My mind plays games with the shadows as
I entertain conversation with the voices of the people
Who dwell somewhere inside of me-
As the rest of the world sleeps,
I have escaped into my own,
Although I never venture far from this room-
I have lost myself in some other realm and time.
Sometimes I can almost hear the irate and disapproving voices of
The demons of my past,
But in my heart, mind and spirit,
I have dismissed them with utmost satisfaction as
I trust have come into my own.
Dense clouds overshadow and
I can hear freezing rain begin to spatter as if tiny ballerinas were
Dancing upon my rooftop.
For some strange and inexplicable reason,
I find the sound almost soothing.
I have locked myself inside these walls of shelter.
In this moment, I anxiously grasp for sanctity of the moment, as
A ray of light tip toes quietly away from my inner space and evades this room.
A heavy dankness overtakes.
For just one fleeting moment and I would grasp, if I could’
This most precious moment of complete silence and utmost confidence
That my world shall never fall from under me again, although sadly but truthfully,
As a terrified animal might do,
That moment saunters unobtrusively away, as
The freezing rain continues to tap as tiny dancers would upon my rooftop,
And then bow and exit in their finale as
I finally drift off to sleep only to search and hopefully find
Promises that would last forever
Perhaps traveling upon some different path.
Within the bleakest though mysterious of these midnight hours-
I may find peace of mind that is forever lasting before
The moon disappears behind the early morning’s mist until
The stars would scintillate within the darkening sky once more.

Claudia Krizay