BITCH
{for ol' Buk}
I was drunk on her sex.
Just a whiff, and I was flopping
like a carp, gasping.
Right away she wants me
to buy her things,
says, remember how I
pulled her hair,
drinking while I
pounded away, how I
shocked her
with that cold beer
on her back,
says,
that should be worth something,
daddy.
When the beer was gone,
the booze, the job,
the rent money,
her eyes didn’t look for me
like they did.
The moaning stopped,
and finally, the humping.
While I was drinking my
last dollar
she took everything
I never had
and left.
The big bum on the corner
had an attitude,
and then, a bloody nose.
Bitch!
In a list
A contest entry
- In Honour of the Scorned Woman/Man by NurseChilly.
8000 points, ended February 28, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rip Nam's Heart Out by Nicole Hanna.
2000 points, ended May 5, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Heh - and if I got be 2nd to someone ... I'm pick you anyday hun. Especially with this wonder.
*bookmarked*
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I don't like ending it with "Bitch". It's too in-your-face for a poem that's supposed to rip someones heart out. Then again, I absolutely DETEST Bukowski. That's right, I said it. But, at least you honored him, in a way, without sounding tactless and talentless like he tends to. Quite frankly, I loved the first stanza and feel it could stand as a poem all its own, especially with the daddy line at the end. Niiiiccceee. But, eh, if it were just about the writing, I'd vote for it, but it's more about ripping hearts out and whatnot, and I'm not sure this is enough to do that. Maybe if either of us had a heart, we'd get it. LOL
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I think the old boy had his moments. His clinkers/fill sort of strike me like Brautigan's misses, in that the very conciseness, coupled with the everyman language makes a miss stand out more than something, erm, pretty. But then, what the hell do I know? *smile* -
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You gotta point. I still think you do it better than he ever did
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Congratulations!
More then worthy...
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well damn me Rob, if you haven't just upped the ante with this one... oh yeah!!
loved it.......
many thanks for entering this contest and well done too.
G.x
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Nice spin on the theme! Still kickin' when your down.... Yeah! Best of luck in the contest!
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Yep. That's it.
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in true-Buk form. lol.
I loved S1.
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Shit...& I was even thinkin' 'bout enterin' this one, too. 
Gosh, I loves my "rebel without a pause". 
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Love the photo you found. There is one that is even more ....risque. I've done my Hank research
Did you see the movie factotum? This reminds me of the relationship they portrayed in that to some extent.
Love that you ran with Buk, though.
Very cool.
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"Cold beer on her back" ... yeah, that should be worth something
This is an amusing poem, yet with a certain touch of seriousness that can't be ignored, just enjoyed
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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