I scream, I scream
I DO NOT WANT TO BURN THIS DOWN.
I will not.
the blood in my veins is a fiery imitation
of my rustled snake-like thoughts
surreptitious,
teeth-bared.
*
but you are a different story;
you believe in far-off diamond dust and
the chemical scent of cleanliness;
loneliness.
your eyes reflect the glitter, the glimmer
the sun-soaked lands of gold and glamour;
but your today and your
tomorrow are floating
gray ghosts and dream-
less hope.
but yet you dream in sepiatone;
lost in your tumultuous eyes –
longing versus desire to know.
but to find truth, one must
lose desire; set aside dizzy splendor and
dwell in
silence;
loneliness.
*
I cannot sing you a love story or weave you
words, with its pungent meaning touched in stone
and left to be discovered on the
tip of the tongue.
you will not know me,
with my spinning kaleidoscope of thoughts,
my jasmine-scented lips
and you will never know
my dark, sweet breath spilling
truth and love in the face of
the end.
In a list
A contest entry
- transcendentalism by unraveled.
400 points, ended January 28, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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... speechless ...
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there's something about this i find odd- the tone seems rushed and excited and young, while your message speaks of wisdom and age. it's a little confusing, just a style tactic i noticed that i think overall brought the poem down.
for example, "you believe in far-off diamond dust" seems childish, but the message in relation to your poem should make it a wise statement.
here's another one: "the glitter, the glimmer/ the sun-soaked lands of gold and glamour".
that being said, i still enjoyed this poem.
i'd have to say the last section is my favorite.
thank you for your entry,
-cassidy
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Thank you very much for this commentary! I agree with you, in that while I was trying to write this I felt very conflicted between the message I was trying to clearly portray, versus the language itself. For some reason it became difficult for me to make the language less simplistic while also retaining the clarity of my message. I have to definitely work on that. Thank you <3
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