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pianista

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a dark-haired boy
gave you an infinite
keyboard; watched you
realise there was no
music in your fingers,
and apologised for
having italian eyes.

you laughed; stepped into
his smoked-ocean breath
and let your hands drift
ice on saltwater piano

 

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Author notes

"if that keyboard is infinite, then on that keyboard there is no music you can play" -- 1900

 

 

I love you Meg.

 

 

 

oh yeah: Jessica helped

In a list

A contest entry

This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • helaly
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    although am not in a possition to critisize your note, yet i cant say enough about how much i like that pom


  • Mokashi Senyu
    March 8

    Edit | Reply

    That was amazing!!

    I really love how you did that poem, and I see what you mean about my poems now. That poem showed emotion to a depth that is boundless, and it was breathtaking.


  • yaotecatl
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this entry a lot as well. Felicidades on your placement :-) yao


  • redbird
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    i love you too, pol!! this was wonderful; you know. exquisite language. last 2 lines of stanza 1 are enviable.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    I really wish my commenting ability didn't suck at the moment (I'm out of practice lol).. but this is awesome! You create some unique images in the mind!


  • yaotecatl
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    This feels like fresh baked bread to me and the aroma is fine, so fine. :-) Well done :-) yao


  • PersephoneInWinter
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    so i love your metaphor for the contest, and the poem also goes with the title of the contest as well.

    this has left me speechless and i have no idea what else to say other than i love this so much!

    this contest is yours

  • Agnes
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    'stepped into
    his smoked-ocean breath'

    I love that image. This is well penne


  • charcoal
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    "you laughed; stepped into
    his smoked-ocean breath"

    love that.

    this is a beautiful poem.


  • notorious
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    Did I mention, this rawked?

  • notorious
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is an awesome contest entry, and an awesome ass dedication poem.

    And your AN...you're too priceless.
    I barely helped.
    I made sexual innuendos and...well if you say I helped, okay.

    Your title's kick-ass too!

    "and apologised for
    having italian eyes."
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    You already know I think that's crazy good.

    That second stanza feels kind of like freefall to me, for some reason. Like living for the moment...what's the Latin phrase again? Carpe diem!

    "saltwater piano" is gorgeous.

    ;
    Jessica


  • notorious
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that reservation title is so you.

1 - 12 of 12