Rocketing through town,
on a roller coaster made of steel,
sits the saddest girl in the world,
and she's forgetting how to feel.
Everyone around her laughs and shrieks,
yet she is motionless and sore.
She tries to hide behind pale, chapped smiles,
yet her deep glistening eyes say more.
While others lift up there arms for an adrenalin rush,
she conceals hers because of what she's done.
She's depriving herself of all things good -
of food, of love and of fun.
I've tried to tell her many a time
that inside she's a beautiful soul,
and despite everything she thinks and feels,
life's not really that cold.
I want to hug her as hard as I can,
change her perspective on life.
Things can be overwhelming at times,
but nothing gets solved with a knife.
I know how scary the roller coaster can be,
and it's easy to freak out or hide.
But instead of worrying about how you'll look in the photo,
just sit back and enjoy the ride.
In a list
A contest entry
- crying for your help... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended January 6, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What is he thinking? by XXAgedWithDespairXx.
1100 points, ended January 10, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended March 9, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Aww wow!
I loved the rhyming
It was nearly flawless
I love it!
Great job
And the story that is told is so true and sincere
Woah!
xoxo. -
about all anyone can do really; once you're on, just grip tightly and enjoy the ride. Just like life ... take what comes it's all we can do.
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Goodness, it's been a while since I've read a good poem.
And this definitely satisfied that need. I loved the rhyming.
I liked the last stanza the best, because it just wrapped up
everything in a nice way that felt a little more optimistic.
All I've got to say is keep it up. I'll probably come back to
check on your poems soon. hah.
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this is awesome! the ending really pulls it though nicely, i love this!
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wow
what a message!! this is very visual almost like a film reel, it was fantastic to read and again speaks volumes, the message is loud and clear and your ending words couldnt be better..
instead of worring how you will look in the photo
sit back and enjoy the ride.
words we should all listen to..
fantastic, bravo !!!
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I like your take on rollercoasters. It's a common thing to compare emotions to rollercoasters, but I like how you blended the emotional sort and the feeling of riding a actual rollercoaster. There's something sweet to it too, wanting to show someone how wonderful they are. I think both the 'she' and 'i' in this poem are in positions that most of us have been in. needing help and wanting to help one we care about see they're worthy of being cared for. Anyway, I'm not usually one for rhyme, but I truly enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing
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I liked it a lot. It said a lot to me.
It seems that I have been on both sides.
I have in a sense been the one spoken of, and yet also the one speaking.
Good luck in the contest -
Humm..you made me very curious by the treatment of the poetic scenario..thought it is very moving too..thank you for the entry in my contest...
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i think she needs to know what you think, you should show her this
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very very goo
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im glad for once to hear this story from the other person's perspective. from the brighter perspective.
it gets told too often the other way around.
and i like your rollercoaster = life kinda thing. if thats what you were going for. or even if it wasnt.
well done.
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it's really good, so sad though
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This is so pretty to me.
I think you did an amazing job.
It flows and it doesn't sound like something i've all ready read.
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