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Haiku upgraded, part two.

trip over love's stone
dark pair of shimmering eyes
a falling distraction

lips form coy smiles
minds imagining their bodies
hello my stranger

pale hands push and pull
tied to rope that might unwind
this never ending chase

two grey worlds collide
a crash of the broken heart
he made her forget

clocks tick and clicking
acrylics on ivory keys
music that breathes

a voyage taken
innocence lost forever
without catharsis

she inhales guilt's smoke
time passes ever so slowly
they take him away

memories frozen
candle wax and a rugged face
still burn up her dreams

it is my last gift
to say the words i never said
goodbye my stranger

Author notes

the poem, although fairly accurate, does not follow all the technical guidelines of the normal 'haiku'. besides the obvious fact that the poem, in and of itself, is made up of a series of nine stanzas [little haikus], each individual stanza does not always follow the five-seven-five syllable rule. i am fully aware of this, and it was intentional. i wanted the poem to be haiku-esque with words that sounded complimentary of one another. i did not seek perfection, but instead, wanted the poem to speak for itself. i wouldn't have it any other way. overall, i am quite happy with this as well as my additional poetry. thank you for reading.

please continue the story with reading my follow-up:
'haiku upgraded, part three'.

what do you think? any thoughts, questions, comments, observations, critiques, etc. are greatly appreciated.

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Comments


  • SeptemberFaith
    January 6
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hello,

    I didnt really understand the goodbye at the end but overall feel that you wrote a very solid piece. I like the idea of haiku-esque stanzas. That is very unique and I feel like it adds a lot of character and depth to your poem.

    Criss
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