So what do I mean to you?
Anything at all?
You build me up
Just to watch me fall
It’s like I have the gun
But you have the trigger
First you pull it
Then sit back and snigger
How does it feel to see
Everything in black and white?
Cus when you do that
You soon lose sight
Of those you leave behind
Played and broken
I don’t like this game any more
It’s not what I’ve chosen
So now I say no more
That’s it I quit
So you say we weren’t together
I’m sick of all this shit
If we were always nothing
You won’t mind me saying no
To your pathetic little whispers
And your shitty fake show
Say what you like mate
I won’t play your game
Cus you’re a poor excuse for a man
And your all the fucking same.
Author notes
sorry if there's mistakes in it, but Im currently fuming and this is the first thing that came to my head...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hell yeah
Ace write, love the way its worded. When things are just real it sounds better when they are just a mind spill as anything else makes it seem contrived and dishonest. This is just really great. Go you!!
xx
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direct
ya U hit bulls eyes. this wuz str8 UP AND DIRECT!! awesome piece 4sho. Wouldn't change a thing. The words come alive, I think i wuz gettin mad, lol and I don't evn kno da dude?? ahh well maybe I do- just in a different body- cuz ur last 2lines say it all!!
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dude, fuck ya this is kick ass i love it fo sho its gotta be one of the few goods ones on dis site!
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A very nice piece for venting your feelings. That's the best source of healing.
Nice rhymes! Thanks for sharing, I loved it.
MxA
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omygosh this amazed me.
made me sad, and made me angry.
GREAT WORK HERE!!
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This is really good (understatement!) corection this was a freaking awsome poem. The ryme was great and there was alot of strong emotion and imagery in this. Again, nice write. You've given a whle new meaning to the word angst. Keep the pen flowing and I hope all is well
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love it. amazing
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I am going to by pass anything critical I might say and jump straight to DAYUM! You are pissed and it shows through wonderfully! I find it very therapeutic to write at time like those, so I do hope writing this helped. I wouldn't change the swears myself either... they absolutely help express the anger here. Very good indeed.
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Nice Work!
i can feel the anger especially in the last lines. i like how that builds up throughout the poem. i loved the rhyme scheme. i thought it was amazing! you did such a good job with that. im so impressed.the only thing is i think snigger should be snicker(however you spell that word) i dont know if it was a typo or not but it threw me off a tad. Nice Work Though!
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i like the fuming. it's sometimes the best time to write if u can bear it. good job.
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mate i couldnt agree more. !! and he is. twat lol i like it very takes ya along while ya reading makes you carry on not that you wouldnt want to. love that bit thos eyou leave behind !!! nice wording me dears. and the ending is brilliant~!!! couldnt have said it better myself! i likies it x
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VERY GOOD POEM
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Unlike greensoldier, I don't think you should change the curse words in the poem. It shows you have put a lot of your feelings into it and one of them was anger. This is a great poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep expressing your feelings like this because your are a great poet, no matter how many curse words you put into a poem, it's a great way to express yourself.
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I do not appreciate the cuss words you threaded into this poem. But it does seem to go with the angry tone of the poem.
I think this poem would make a good song actually. So good job.
(you might want to change the "cus" to either "because" or "cause".
Good Luck!
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