Every evening she sits waiting for a phone that never rings,
Every day she waits for post that's never mailed.
Does her shopping on a Tuesday, food for one and little things
But she never stops to wonder where she failed.
Though she gets a card at Christmas, birthdays pass without a sign.
The messages she leaves are not returned.
She has asked her next-door neighbours if they'd like to come to dine
But each offer has been quite politely spurned.
When the milkman leaves a bottle she is ready at the door
But he only ever greets her with a nod.
She was sure when she was younger life would bring her something more,
Now the only man she speaks to is her god.
It's ten years since he left her, he just died there in the chair;
Both her children came to see his ashes spread.
In the years since then they travelled now they're living who knows where,
They'll be back to sell the cottage when she's dead.
Just like other lonely people who've been cast aside by life
She's sat waiting for the end to end the pain.
She was always there as daughter, then as mother and a wife
Now she knows that they won't want her help again.
Who'll be there to mourn her passing when she slowly fades away?
Who will know that she's not with us any more?
Will the priest who reads the lesson even know what he should say?
She was just another face we all ignore.
Author notes
Inspired by The Beatles' Eleanor Rigby, which although a song deserves recognition purely on its poetry "wearing the face which she keeps in a jar by the door" is surely one of the greatest poetic lines of the latter half of the twentieth century.
A contest entry
- Eleanor Rigby by coloringmysenses.
700 points, ended January 23, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beatles. by Emmyb.
900 points, ended April 13, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.
Comments
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poor lady!
i like the little details like the milkmans nod :-)
I agree with your authors notes too :-)
nice one. -
Depressing
I loved this poem, it's very sad and very depressing but sadly very true in today's society. Children are in such a rush to grow up and get out from under their parents that once there our they hardly ever come back. And grandchildren don't see nearly enough of their grandparents in some cases which to me is just awful. And once they're too old to take care of ourselves family just dump them in old people's homes. As far as i'm concerned after everything they did for us as younguns we could at least help them out and be there for them when they need us as they were for us. Beautiful poem.
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loved it.
this is so sad...
about a woman who has no reason to live but keeps going just to end.
you know what I think?
this woman has to try some new yoga classes.... something! XD
Who'll be there to mourn her passing when she slowly fades away?
Who will know that she's not with us any more?
Will the priest who reads the lesson even know what he should say?
She was just another face we all ignore.
my favorite lines ^^^^
makes me think shes just a doormat or a doornob........ ya know? -
Amazing imagery
Congratulations on receiving gold
Loved it
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This is a beautiful, yet very sad write. I loved everything about it, it has a nice flow, and the imagery is amazing. Very nice write, congrats on the gold this won.
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I agree with Eusebius! Absolutely captivating, there aren't enough superlatives to praise it.
Love,
Amera♥
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This IS excellent! Absolutely no one else is (or it seems even can) write like this. The baton has been past--with a many decades gap--from Kipling to thee. I loved it.
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What a wonderful compliment, thank-you my friend.
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awh.
This is so sad.
A great write nonetheless.
I love your choice in vocabulary too.
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Well done on recieving Gold.Well deserved.You tell an all too familiar story of loneliness in this day and age where families are spread the length and breadth of the world.If only we all did one little thing to relieve someone's loneliness.Just an hour sat talking or a phone call.not rocket science is it, Ros
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First of all, thank you for entering this contest!
I felt that this poem showed strong, powerful emotion. I could definitely tell where you took the prompt and ran with it - terrific job! Wonderful imagery was demonstrated throughout as you described the woman in this poem. I love how it gives examples of how society rejects her as a person and no one makes an attempt at trying to know her.
The most constructive criticism I can give from my viewpoint is to check over the poem for the one or two spelling errors. Also, I think a few punctuation may help the reader in pausing at the appropriate times.
Good luck in the contest! -
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I've added some punctuation, as a general rule I don't punctuate my poetry although I probably should
However if you can find a spelling mistake I'd be more than a little surprised, remember most American dictionaries get our language wrong.
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I realize that some people do not punctuate their poetry, it was just something I thought would aid the poem in a better fashion. No need to change how you've been writing, I probably shouldn't be trying to make your writing into something it's not. (Though the punctuation that has been added in flows better, in my opinion.)
I think I'm probably mistaken now that I look back on it. "Travelled" is spelled with two L's over there? "nex-door neighbours" - I do believe you meant to put a T in, but merely just a typo? The rest, however, I do understand is spelled differently than the Americans.
Still a wonderful write! -
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Yes we usually double our final letters to add ed, sorry about the t I think I deleted it when adding the hyphen, while I was punctuating.
Years of doing the crossword everyday is good for your spelling
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That is soooo powerful and sad! I loved every line, every word of it seemed to have been put there for a specific reason and not just because it rhymes.. purely beautiful! Great job, keep it up and take care,
Latradi
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Jeff my dear you have done it yet again-a terrific take on the prompt and absolutely filled to the brim with impeccable verse-well done mon brave!
Bumps xxx
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This is a very sad write about all the lonely people in the world who really do deserve more at the end of their days.
You almost bought me to tears, maybe I see something of myself in your words, but I hope not.
An excellent write, all the best in the contest
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Great write Jeff. I must say that this is a strong feeling and captured really well in this poem!
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