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Eternal Life End

Hope is singing to me,
The wind hear's my call,
My life is one big mistake, or one big doodle,
My journey is not yet over,
My life has just begun,
Never ending ray of sun floating,
Gazing at my eternal life,
It's sunny, and snowdrops are falling,
Like my tears when I cry,
I fall, I wriggle, and I slip out of my body,
Heaven is where I'm flying, they hear my silent call,
I take a dream spirit walk, to God's Heaven....




Author notes

A Young Girl is dying, her young, yet eternal life is ending her pain....
This is for a Contest...
May the best poet win!

Mirabelle-Daisy, 11.

A contest entry

Will this win the contest?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Sunkissed xo
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is a truly beautiful write. Such glorious imagery, I can almost feel the golden sun on my face as I read this! And you're only 11! Wow, now that's impressive. Keep up this amazing work, and you will go so far!


  • Artemis Huntress
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    That's wonderful. When I was 11, I couldn't do that, even though its only been two years. You will be a very talented, developed poet. You are anyway!

    -Sequoia


  • tothegrave
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    You know, for an 11 year old, you are very talented. This was a touching piece, good job!


  • Whyitt U
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the third line and the last one, "dream spirit walk" was wonderful phrasing...the flow also made this a joy to read. Well done!!

    Whyitt uxxx

  • A-muse-in-writer
    January 6
    Edit | Reply

    Really good

    I like the movement in this poem, the word choice is great.


  • Perfect Asymmetry
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem. thumbs up!
    nela


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    "
    My life is one big mistake, or one big doodle,"

    That's an amazing line, coming from someone so young. I think you have a lot to say, and though you are young, since you already have been able to communicate your feelings so well already, you won't have any problems in the future. Actually, you are at a level where you can really start experimenting with your style and see what really works and what doesn't since you have the advantage of being younger. Also, see what inspires you. It'd be awesome to see what a young kid has to say about the same issues we all write about.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    A good write -

    thanks for the entry.


  • Violinstrings silver member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    this is a poem for someone dying to feel better about it
    journey is not yet over
    life has just begun
    gazing at eternal life
    so flowing and smooth reading
    well written


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    it should, the imagry here is wondeful, this is sad yet creatively beautiful, I love it

1 - 10 of 10