.
on your third birthday
you opened a book to
a blank page and told
me a story. it was full
of your young-minded
values; it made me smile
"the blue car wanted to go down the street, but
everyone knows you can't go for a drive without mummy"
on your fourth birthday
I saw you push a puppy
off a stool. I almost
yelled, but then you
started to cry; sat on
the floor, patted it,
and told it that you
loved it. told it that
you were just trying to
help it be a big dog.
I sat on the floor,
held you in my arms,
and told you that I
loved you always
then I cried too
.
Author notes
"a pair of legs
where there
was
no water to be found."
I know the link to the prompt is tenuous at best - it isn't even in the poem ... but the child's mother had a second baby, and during the pregnancy she suffered from Oligohydramnios, which is a lack of amniotic fluid that can lead to the baby's death. The daughter was born purple and not breathing, but has thankfully developed into a healthy girl. Her mother considers her a miracle baby, and her son is left alone.
A contest entry
- rather be dead than cool by notorious.
912 points, ended January 16, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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we've discussed this poem, and our final answer is a BIG yes. thanks for entering
-
yesyesyes.
I know angela said no, so I'll have to discuss this with her but I'm going to push really hard for you because well, I love this.
thanks so much for entering. -
no.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
that being said,
this didn't really move me.
I feel it was lacking emotion.
I liked your concept, and the visual was good.
I'll be back, I'll think this one over. -
that third stanza... wow
made me smile
this has heart
-
"young-minded values; it made me smile"
Hellz yes. You captured a moment for me here.
That third stanza
is so...
vivid (I really try not to use this word in relation with imagery, but...how can I not).
You make the intentions of both yourself and the child in question so clear.
Your AN
is so
haunting, like the poem.
;
Jessica -
winner
Very well done. Very heart touching.
Joe
-
Wow. This is just heart breaking. I cannot fathom choosing one child over another, even when one is ill and struggles to live. That makes them precious, and both lives should be worth cherishing.
What a sad tale you have penned my dear. It hurt to read.
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I like this. Mucho. Back with a better comment, I hope; remind me!
-
the story in the authors notes is really interesting! this is cute!
great write and good luck in the contest!
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This is THE cutest thing you've ever written
I must confess your author notes baffled me, but I really like how you let us witness the development of this child; moreover, you show us his/her innocence and how we as a society, an environment for kids to grow in, send ambiguous messages, which can be both funny and dangerous out of context. This is a super-sweet poem. Me likes 
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I'm intrigued, Llly. Indubitably.
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