Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Ticket to Paradise

Death’s sting now upon me, so clearly in view.
Hope has long vanished. My life is now through.
I always believed I would turn things around.
That doesn’t seem likely ten feet off the ground.

This cross holds me captive on public display.
An example for those who choose the wrong way.
Leaving woeful regrets and one fleeting request,
that I be forgiven for sins I’ve confessed.

This man here beside me the brunt of their rage.
I feel a connection. We share the same stage.
He carried His cross down a cobblestone street.
Soldiers drove nails in His hands and His feet.

I heard the wood splinter from force of the blow.
What crime was committed? No one seems to know.
A sharp thorny crown is piercing His head.
His battle-scarred face a dark blood stained red.

His flesh lanced open from a metal-tipped strap.
Lines stripe His back like a fine detailed map.
They’ve hung a sign claiming Him, “King of the Jews.”
I have a strange feeling somehow I must choose.

They’re shouting, “Break free, if you are the one.”
He asked for forgiveness for what they had done.
I’ve not seen such love and compassion before.
An innocent lamb sacrificed at death’s door.

His torn battered body was abused and defiled.
An unthinkable ending for God’s precious child.
A storm has engaged as lightning bolts dance.
Could this be the end, or simply my chance?

I watched Him preparing to journey somewhere.
I asked if He would, to remember me there.
He looked in my eyes, as if frozen like ice,
“Today you shall join me in sweet paradise."

He said, “It is finished,” then claimed His last breath.
A Savior that won’t be obstructed by death.
A warmth filled my body. My sins were set free.
I watched as He died. It seemed just for me.

To die next to Him, such a strange twist of fate.
The request of this sinner did not come too late.
I made some poor choices, I could not afford,
but my debt has been paid by Jesus, the Lord!



Author notes

Option1 as seen through the eyes of the thief on the cross.
A Ticket to Paradise, was truly a gift of the Holy Spirit. I woke up
one morning, and it all came out in about 15 minutes. I know it
was not from me. I am just glad I had pen and paper on the nightstand. Though I believe this is a very good poetic piece, it is not about the words on the screen, it is about what Jesus did for us on the Cross. Go tell the world!
Written in 2005. I give permission to the church to copy this with my copyright, Kevin Pace @ www.WordsDoMatter.com

There is also a video available if you are interested.

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Carly Pop gold member
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    thank you so much for entering. Beautiful poem


  • Denerica
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Capturing what the thief felt, and even at the cross a soul was to go with him to paradise at that moment, heartfelt write, with powerful emotion. Blessings.


  • rinzurajan
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    BEAUTIFUL...I LOVED THE WAY U EXPRESSED UR URGE TO DIE BESIDES HIM...

    WOW...!!! AMAZING...

    THANKS AND GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST...

    GOD BLESS U...


  • Symphony
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    This made me cry - I don't know why, but I actually have tears in my eyes, and they're threatening to fall....

    I thought I had picked this bit as my favourite part...

    "I heard the wood splinter from force of the blow.
    What crime was committed? No one seems to know.
    A sharp thorny crown is piercing His head.
    His battle-scarred face a dark blood stained red."

    But, then I kept reading and just, loved it more and more - you told his story so remarkably well, and ... -

    Gosh I don't know what to say, I just absolutely loved this ... Thank you so much for entering it!


    • WordsDoMatter
      February 21
      Edit | Reply

      Awesome

      Hi Moya... those tears may be tears of empathy for what Jesus did for us, or they are tears of hope for why He did what He did, or they are tears of joy knowing His promise is for you, or they are tears of realization that God loves us so much that He gave His only Son to die for our sins. Either way, this is a story that is not about what was written, but it is about what really happened. What I wrote (a gift from God) is not nearly as important as what Jesus did for us on the cross that day. .... I am glad you enjoyed it. My son (18) will be traveling to Ireland in March... I am excited for him. Thanks for your enthusiastic response. - Kevin (WordsDoMatter)


  • abuyi
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful write! dont have anythng else to say.
    thanks for entering and best of luck
    abuyi


  • steal-my-scene
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful. Thank you so much for your entry. Good luck. And again, I will get back to you about the message. God bless <3


  • aboomer silver member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    I am deeply touched by your words. Mere words on my part can’t begin to tell you how much this means to me.
    best wishes and blessings to you - always.

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 24
      Edit | Reply

      wow

      I am honored by your words... truth is though, this is more about the real story, not what I happened to write about the real story. This is far more than words on a screen - I'm glad you know that - now go tell the world - Kevin


      • aboomer silver member
        January 24
        Edit | Reply
        so true....
        blessings to you in your life

        • WordsDoMatter
          January 25
          Edit | Reply

          thanks

          this one was truly a gift from God... He shared it with me, I share it with anyone who will listen - thanks - Kevin


  • Ms Raneika
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    I like the deep, religious message of your poem, quite insightful. Thanks for entering my contest!

    Much Love,. Raneika


  • mysticstorm gold member
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    How creative and deep...a wonderful look at the death of Christ and the men that went with him...salvation found just in time...very moving and chlling...

    Thank you for entering!

    Kim

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 24
      Edit | Reply

      thanks Kim

      this may be the most important piece I have written, but it's not about the story on the page, it's about the real life story of what Jesus did for us. - Kevin


  • Frodofan silver member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    This really doesn't fit the prompt at all and I don't know why you entered it. I might as well tell you it has no chance of winning because of that fact.

    However, I also will say that I read it and it drew me in. It is a very wonderful poem and this line, "“Today you shall join me in sweet paradise" gave me chills. So stirring. So interesting to see the crucifixion written about as if by the man next to him. Makes it so much more personal.

    In any case, thank you for entering this because I'm glad I got the chance to read it - even if it wasn't right for the challenge.

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 12
      Edit | Reply

      thanks for the comments

      I understand why at first it may not seem to fit... here's why I thought it did. Your contest was about the "end times"... the thing is, no one knows when the "end times" are, not even Jesus. However, the "end times" comes to each of us at the point we die,which could be at any point. Rather than be prepared for the "end times" as recorded in Revelations, we should all be ready for our own personal "end times." Now, I realize that may be a stretch, but I am not really after prizes, points, or recognition for this piece anyway. I just think it carries a vitally important message that all should read. God shared it with me, I am sharing it with as many as I can. It is not about the words on the screen, it is about the true life story of what Jesus did for us, and can do for us, if we ask.. thanks for your positive feedback - Kevin


  • tarcus
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    I am not overtly religious but this speaks well of the reason.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Defining the life is a difficult job but poetry is indeed a blessing which help us to map this truth..wonderful poetry..well done...


    • WordsDoMatter
      January 9
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      I am a fan of your work and your contests... well done as well - Kevin


  • Shantti
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem. Too bad the promp isn't from my list of prompts for the contest.
    Sweet writting anyway.


  • ZeInkslinger
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    very nicely done!
    I've always wanted to write in the viewpoint of one of the thieves. and you did a fantastic job.
    God bless,
    ZeInkslinger

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4

      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      I agree, I did a fine job moving the pencil... that's about it on this one... the story is not what is written but what actually occured... but I have a feeling you know that. - Kevin


  • Jornada
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    Magnificent!


  • Susan John Francis
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    A salvation which we have to open our eyes and see...mesmerized me ..... I have no words to express my feelings at this very moment... I am for a while now trying to write something like this....

    Thank You for sharing it...
    Susan

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4
      Edit | Reply

      cool

      thanks for sharing your respomse... this is not really about the piece I wrote, it is about the true story of what Jesus did for us... to Him be the glory - God bless - Kevin


  • jimek
    January 4
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    Amen


  • Still Standing gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply

    you have the right pen name

    Yes. Words do matter. Your words do matter. This came to my eyes 10 on a sat nite with church tomorrow. I have to c people who have done me wrong there and I was thinking about that before I logged on and found this precious gem. They are not and should not be whom I seek but the Lord our God instead. Please kevin and whoever else reads these words Pray For Me! Thank u for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4
      Edit | Reply

      I am inclined

      to recall what Jesus did in that situation. There will be many in this life who try to wrong you, don't give them that power. You alone control your attitude and your actions. Rise up miighty warrior for God is on your side - Kevin

  • montez gold member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply

    By the way...

    ...one of your previous critiquers, Foreskin, called the poem a tad long.
    I can't stand people who write things like that.
    The poem was no longer and no shorter than it was meant to be ; in fact it was the EXACT length it was meant to be.
    What he/she meant was that he/she was bored reading it.
    I was captivated with the piece - even though I don't share your faith!
    Also, I don't like the word 'tad', but I'll not go into that here!
    R.

  • montez gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully...

    ...constructed with superb rhythm and rhyme.
    The only constructive grammatical criticism I would make is that I'm pretty sure it should be :-
    A saviour WHO won't be obstructed by death.
    Also, you hyphenate metal-tipped, but not blood-stained.
    Now, if I were being really pedantic, which I am, I would say that I don't agree with the short sentences in lines 2, 10, 35 and 36 (with the one in line 14, I understand and agree that the question mark does the jo. The thoughts within the line all follow on, and IMO, should be separated either by a semi colon or a colon. I would use a colon thus :-
    Hope has long vanished : my life is now through.
    Please be aware that I am not putting myself forward as an English grammar expert - a University professor might disagree with some of the things I say (whoops, I mean write) - but I'm now 61, and have been a voracious reader all my life (I read on average 3-4 books a week), and consider myself the way Leonardo Ser Piero da Vinci considered HIMSELF ; quote 'I am not a man of letters, but the voice of experience' (actually, it's not an exact quote, as I can't be bothered to look it up, but it's close enough as to make no difference).
    Leonardo was not formally educated, IE, he didn't go to University (otherwise he wouldn't have continued to write in mirror script), but received a basic education from his Maestro Andrea del Verocchio and then, being a man of boundless curiosity, observed, studied and noted down all his thoughts.
    Whoops, sorry, I didn't mean to make this a history lesson ; I just happen to be going through a period of obsession, and LDV is the current subject!
    Bye for now.
    Robin.

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4
      Edit | Reply

      excellent

      you made some great points here... which are GREATLY appreciated. I will look into the changes - take care, hit 'em straight - Kevin


  • forethought
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is a sad poem, and it is very relateable. Thank you for sharing your work with us, even if it was a tad long.


  • petalblue2
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! What a wonderful piece. I have not read anything else of yours but I will most certainly have to venture to your page. This is quite wonderfully inspired

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4
      Edit | Reply

      thanks so much

      you are welcome into my humble abode anytime you would like... I could even mak some suggestions if you felt so inclined (or inspired) - God shared them with me, I'll share them with you - Kevin

1 - 35 of 35