How can I explain this?
I have perpetrated a crime of monstrous dimensions. You won't understand the immensity. but He does.
Don't worry. This isn't some religious fervor. I doubt my God is your God anyway. Mine resides in my subconscious, He speaks to me whenever I commit one of my wanton acts. He loves me, but not as I would wish. He loves me as He loves you.
Yes, it is a great crime and I only confess it because I must. I do not want to --I desire to complete my offense.
This morning I awoke to a faint whisper. At first I thought it was a mosquito, or maybe a fly, But after a moment I discerned a word -- my name. I listened more intently to the voice, I knew God was talking to me.
"Mayne, you have done it again." I didn't need to ask what He meant. I knew full well.
"You know not to touch the future." I smirked sheepishly for a moment, my true nature showing. But I quickly changed my expression to a frown. God does not like my insolence.
"Tomorrow is what it will be," He said continuing, "You do not tamper with the present to affect the future."
"But..." I spoke, braving to interject. "Tomorrow is wrong. It needs to be changed!"
"The future needs to be what it will be!" He uttered, growing perturbed.
I understood what He meant -- knew He was right, but since when did I care what was correct, I only wanted what was best for me.
"Mayne, you don't know what is best -- only what you want! You do know that you cannot change the outcome of tomorrow. You can only change how it happens but not that it will.
"Lord," I gambled, looking for loopholes that must exist. "But you can change it. You can make it right."
"Mayne, you know what you have to do."
"But God..." I began, "I don't want this to happen! It can't happen, please, it's not right. if you love me, don't let it happen!"
He sighed, familiar with my histrionics, "Maynard, it must be. It will be!"
And I knew then that it was an order, that my free-will had limits.That my a priori argument was flawed. "Yes Lo...Lo...rd," I answered, my voice quivering.
So the future is what it will be and I cannot tamper with today to try and alter tomorrow. I sit here and I want to cry, but God won't allow my petty selfishness. He wants humanity to be as it should be.
I know He is right, but I hate His fair-minded love of all mankind!
Author notes
Update: (09/02/09)
It doesn't matter what the original impetus for this story was; whatever it might have been, it ceases to be true. Time allows us to see situations in a more universal perspective. Now it's simply a tale about all those things we wish we could change for our own benefit though we know it is selfish to wish it.
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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It's amazing how little this story now means to me. Time is interesting.
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Even though you say the God you talk about isn't the God most people know, it still feels little strange to read about you talking to God. But is a good strange feeling, for it shows a little of your real thoughts.
There come times in our lives when we must make choices, and many times the choices we know we have to make aren't those that please us. It takes a lot to do that, but I think the rewards might come in some ways
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Remember, it is fiction. The Mayne in the story isn't necessarily the Mayne you know. Then again, maybe he is.
Thanks, I'm just slower than 'my God' would like.
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Well said and illustrates so well man's wish to control his own life.
When man gives up his every day to God and works with a mind to God's glory in all things, then the miracle happens: God becomes your partner and all you do is easier and joyful.
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Thanks, I owe you a bunch of reads. I will get to it, hopefully tomorrow. Head is foggy today, lol
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Ah, yes, he respects that fair-mindedness,
the reminder about the center of the universe
not residing within him. He listens, for his
conscious, quickly leaping, turn-abouting mind
knows when to hear the whisper of the word
of God, or his subconscious mind, however
described.
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