there is something in the kissing silence
other than bouquets
and covered dishes
[left untouched because
knotted spasms fill the stomach.]
my fingers were always bonethin;
your matter caulked the spaces
and I was
sealed.
now left to dust,
the filler
is gone -
concrete now fills
for the head writings;
flowers will grow here,
but their crawling ivies
suffocate heartswells -
the same as tears saturate
the lower eye.
~~~
Author notes
I suppose long titles are in style now? haha.
In a list
A contest entry
- Morning Quickie - 10 entries by sideways hourglass.
400 points, ended January 3, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whatryalookinat?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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You only got bronze?
I love this. My favourite line is: there is something in the kissing silence.
You're amazing.
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oddly. after filler. it all kind of felt like filler. the beginning was just so fucking strong.
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Congradulations on the bronze daughter, you have done a great job here, blessings Dad
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haha, it appears they are, but most long titles are incredible, just as this poem is.
Congrats on the bronze, you deserve it.
♣ Tegan
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Long titles seem to be the current thing.
Which, is why I'm trying to resist them
but I keep seeing other poets do insanely awesome long titles and it'll probably be harder for me to resist.
"there is something in the kissing silence
other than bouquets
and covered dishes"
I'm going to be honest here.
I'm not that cultured and have not read that much of Cummings.
So,
I just liked these 3 lines unequivocally w/o seeing any influence...just goodass poetry.
You rawk.
"the same as tears saturate
the lower eye."
HOLY FUCK.
;
Jessica
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It's cummings, not capitalized, missy. mr. e e had a few issues with his name.
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Oh god I know all about his lowercase letters
and also how everyone imitates him.
I don't know anything about HIM, though. -
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Well, I think he writes some super awesome stuff.
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"but their crawling ivy suffocate"
suffocates?
or ivies? [if that's a word]
i loved the ideas here, but the line breaking seemed really off in the last stanza. it made me think of a tower with a very awkward structure.
to give you an example, this is just how i would have done it, if it were me.
"now left to dust,
the filler
is gone -
concrete now fills
for the head writings;
flowers will grow here,
but their crawling ivies[?]
suffocate heartswells -
the same as tears saturate
the lower eye."
there are probably various ways to rearrange the line breaking that would work, but that was just a loose example & perhaps suggestion -- then again, you ought to stay true to yourself & what you think.
regardless of the structure, i thought you have some very great ideas.
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ahhh, you're right, ivies does sound better.
And I'll edit the breaking in the last stanza to make it look better.
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Yay lol
& btw i love the title.
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What do you think now about the line breaking?
And thanks, it seems a lot of people are writing long titles nowadays, so I wanted to be 'cool' and join in.
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haha i hear you.
as for the edit; well, it's exactly what i suggested, lol, so yeah i like it.
& i think it looks much better - the thoughts seem more organized that way, and appropriate emphasis is made in the right spots. -
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awesome possum!
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i so ditto sora &hearts
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!
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the last stanza is my favorite!
the opening line sounds like something in a cummings poem. which is, of course, fantastic
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haha, e e cummings is my favorite poet, so maybe I write a little bit like him.
Thank you!
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