Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

of stencil and shadows











nothing causes or obstructs
love

love: which travels with wind
and gushes in water;
synonymous to sun -
where no shadow is cast
without stencil of man

you cannot shed its skin;
alter the essence of mind



there is nothing that causes
or obstructs love -

only man

who walks toward sun
fearing shadow

that is always his own










Author notes

i really don't know. it's a quickie after all.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Symphony
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    I [love] the ending of this - I think it must be that wise thought that won the previous contes for you, because it is written so simply and yet so complex in meaning - wonderful!

    thanks for entering.


  • divebar
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    very icarus at the end. i like it.
    not sure about the word synonymous though. it kind of made me stumbled.

  • tara wilson gold member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply


  • sideways hourglass
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    this was beauitiful.

    some criticism:

    i'm not sure if i liked the repetition of love back to back.

    "whose entity is synonymous to that of sun"
    fantastic idea, but i think if you took out "that of" it would be tighter & read better. also, there would be more emphasis on synonymous and sun, due to the alliteration.

    the repetition of
    "there is nothing that causes nor obstructs
    love"
    was effective, in my opinion anyway. it centered the focus to bring back the point full circle.

    when you repeated that line, in the first one you put "or" and in the second one you put "nor" -- not a big deal, but i just thought i should point it out. regardless, the repetition was effective.

    & the ending was perfect.

    • mayaa
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      thanks Ty. hmmm i'll try to get rid of one love. ok. i had a doubt about whether to add that of, or omit it when i was revising. i'll make it synonymous to sun. thankies. :]


  • redbird
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    best quickie ive read in a loongg time.
    this was so gorgeous; like an ocean breeze.
    im glad i stumbled on you =]


  • Namita
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    ok i like this. seriously. this is one of the poems i like sincerely.

1 - 11 of 11