it’s funny
that blues
turns me on
like sweet
louisiana sweat
you found me
singing
deep alto sorrows
in the shade
of the cypress
and sang along
there were long
piano solos
across my back
and you cried
into me
like a blues man
on his harmonica
moaning
sorrows into
the hot
august night.
Author notes
i'm having troubles with titles these days...help me out?
give critques damn it.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- memphis and the missisippi delta by divebar.
2500 points, ended February 12, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP X Factor 2 - Auditions by sideways hourglass.
550 points, ended February 27, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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Yes.
I agree with Tyler totally
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Yes
I think there were too many line breaks, but the content itself is fantastic.
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damn the titles man. This rocks. I love it, and Im for sure on my way to check out some of your other stuff. Sad n' Sexy, just like a blues progression. I think your word choice was just pitch perfect here... "deep alto sorrows" is a gem.... as is "sweet louisiana" sweat... it all just works together to create this feeling of thick, humid air agitating the spanish moss.
Only criticism is that in a poem this short the use of "sorrows" in the second stanza stands out as somewhat repetitive and not necessarily in a helpful way.
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