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Summer, 2002

 

 

 

 

There was a time
back in nineteen ninety something
when her eyes danced with the sun.

Now they are dead, like others
that have seen a bigger world. Something
out there
seems to eat away the good.


Braless breasts slug under a white tee
that has been washed too often.
Her hair no longer smells of the ocean
just manufactured spring
and citrus flavours.

I watch her, thinner than
the shoreline, toeing beach.
Waves lap her feet like a parched dog.

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I would like to do something more with the title - maybe add 'her' name? Or maybe I should just leave it alone ... grrr I suck at titling!


In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • chloris
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    you're just fabulous.


  • redbird
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    ohhh i love this =] mary (cat) brought me to your page; and im so glad she did. i agree with danna, on the 'everyone can relate' ; to me it was like you described your mother, and its really quite heartbreaking...

    • J.J. Sass
      January 6

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much! I'm glad she did too, cuz if Mary knows you you gotta be good, so I shall check you out as well.


  • misselaineous
    January 4
    Edit | Reply

  • tara wilson gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    i love this, so visual, esp. at the end with the two similes, i love those, they totally work...


  • hilly
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful
    Braless breasts slug under a white tee
    something about that is so defining of a character

    • J.J. Sass
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, I'm glad that line/description impacted you; I think it's my favourite in the piece, because of what it says... and what it doesn't. Anywho, I'm rambling. Thanks much!

      Stacy


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    What I love about this poem is that it shows and makes the reader try to fill the gaps, of what wasn't said. Beautiful poetry and so very visual. Great to see you writing again, Stacy!!

    ~ Nicolette


  • Danna Hobart
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    This made me say "oh," and made me think of a couple of people. Everyone can probably relate to it. It is written very well. Thank you for entering.


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    seems to eat away all the good-- with the beat.. for some reason i feel such rythm in this... I want to make that line
    seems to eat away the good... take out the 'all'?
    with it being the last line of the stanza to me that makes it the impact I think you are wanting more?

    I loved the image of toeing beach... I feel the deep sadness in this but you have written it so beautifully.


    • J.J. Sass
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      You are so right about the 'all' Heidi, thanks much!

      Stacy

1 - 16 of 16