a line of people
outside of a church
musicians inside
A contest entry
- Contemporary Haiku by Harrisham Minhas.
525 points, ended January 21, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I know this needs more work, thanks for any contructive criticism
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice scene...you clearly get the point of haiku! good job
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true to life
for some reason this made me think of those tent revivals (i am sooo from the south)...i am always eager to hear the music myself.
thanks for writing and reading and commenting....
amber
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well, I've never even tried a haiku - so this is impressive to me!
I line the picture you've painted - in just 3 lines! IMO, well done!
best wishes in the contest
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Thanks for your entry:
"a line of people
outside of a church
musicians inside"
A nice scene drawn.
Thanks again.
Harrisham Minhas
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I think I agree with mr Intranscention. I too thought of something more of a choir than a band. But it's good. Somehow seems peaceful to me. I pictured walking through the church doorway into that chilly silence while filing into seats.
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Perhaps the last line might read...
A choir sings inside.
Your lines allow for good impressions. I find it very hard for me to give imagination to such few goods, in this case, your write is excellent...Well done!
Ron.
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I like the mystery of which instruments they may be playing. Also the 5-5-5 construction is kinda neat. Yeah, I'm a dork- guilty! G
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