the sustenance he poured, he
could not seem to fill.
one cannot feed the ricebowl
with wheat grain
outward from its cracks, his
naked moisture spills;
a drying well -
one thousand starving questions quote his name
In a list
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice
It's short but I like how the metaphors send multiple thoughts through my head. There has clearly been some sort of disaster or recent famine here, and a community is trying to get by. Well done, it's a very good subject to write about, and how you thought of I don't know.
3 claps
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Nice
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Ummm. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.
And then let it fall again!
I was just puttering around AP and reading this and that, totally not expecting this, but wow.
Each word is so carefully picked, and the construction is so tight and well perfect.
I can see so many applications for this short work in todays world, emotionally, physically, etc. So many scenes fit the bill...
I'm awed. I'm giving you three applauses, but I wish I could give more!
S
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i like it, deff. a fan of minimalist poems, this caused me to read it 3 or 4 times and im not sure i fully understand it, but for that reason it stands out and deff. makes me ponder. great write!
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I do fancy that last line quite a lot. <3
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I really wish you'd write author's notes. Your metaphors are too deep that I don't understand them all. Or you could at least classify it in the categories thing... that usually helps
Its really good.. I just don't get it :S
♥♥♥Kat
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"one thousands starving questions quote his name"
- lovelovelove that line!
althoughI insist you remove the 's' from 'thousand'
ack. second read.
It's even more beautiful.
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