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Finding a way

From the darkness down the hall.
Faintly heard the devil calls.
Thoughts that haunt. You can't forget.
Whisper promises in dark silhouette.
The wish for truth is deep inside.
Instead above are lingering lies.
She went down in what seemed a moment.
Resistance thinned in growing torment.
Seconds ticked away the final hour.
Taking away all choice and power.
Taste the freedom. In the white magic.
Relief begins and soon turns tragic.
Where did all the confusion begin?
And what was the cause of the original sin?
Was there anyone who really loved her?
Angels cry out in heaven above her.
There is no way to have it all.
On the floor she'd lifelessly crawl.
The only way home is through the fires of hell.
Will she make it?
There is no way to tell

Author notes

It's about drug addiction.

-sadcryingsoul

A contest entry

sadcryingsoul

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • islekine gold member
    January 4
    Edit | Reply

    I would make the second line:

    Faintly heard the devil calls....
    read Faintly heard the devil's call.


  • islekine gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful write!

    Keep searching for the light!
    I like the rhyme scheme...and message!
    Best wishes in the contest and always!


  • ZachP gold member
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a sad truth for so many people; it's heartbreaking.

    The imagery here is superb, as well as the emotion. The only recommendation I have, is that you add some commas and semi colons to help moderate the flow somewhat.

    Thanks for sharing, and good luck;
    Zach