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Breathe


 

To him, she is sanity.
He loves the way she always remembers the little things, and how sometimes when they say goodbye, she touches his lips with her fingertips. Revealing pieces of himself is always easy with her. What's hard is having the strength to stop.
Sometimes he asks her if she loves him, even though he already knows the answer.
He doesn't know whether to feel panicked or relieved
every time she says yes.

He knows that he should let her go, but losing her might mean losing his mind.



To her, he is oxygen.
She loves the way he tilts his head back when he laughs, and how sometimes when they kiss, she can taste a hint of cherry Now-and-Later on his tongue. He tells her all his secrets, but it's what he doesn't say that she thinks about the most.
Sometimes she asks if he loves her, even though she already knows the answer.
She doesn't know whether to feel panicked or relieved
every time he says no.

She's aware that loving him is hopeless, but if she tries to stop, she'll suffocate.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • VcWhit
    May 10

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    whoa...do you know what the ironic thing is...I actually found myself holding my breath coming down to the end there. Great write!


  • Gracie
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is amazing, the emotions and imagery you create are magical. I love the way they both have the same sentance structures. Keep writing

  • Reminds me of a taboo or forbidden relationship. I read secrets between the lines. Nice.


  • CourtJester
    April 10
    Edit | Reply
    This i an awesomwrite, it is something you could find in abook. Keep writing!!


  • aanika
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    I love how for both sections, you repeated some sentence structures and stuff. it was really effective.

    Revealing pieces of himself is always easy with her. What's hard is having the strength to stop.

    I loved those lines.
    honestly, the only critique I have for this is that I wish it were longer.
    thanks so much for entering, love.


  • Lowell Poe
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    The path to self awareness and love is independents.
    No one can live between a rock and a hard place.
    Tragically sad and beautiful.

    Keep on pushin,
    straight ahead,
    Billy.


  • DeadlyPoetic88
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    this piece was amazing. many of the lines were just...wow...expressed so well. it was a worth while poem for me... it just may have given light to my darkened muse.

    wonderful!!!!


  • Tinkerbell-Or-Me
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    "She doesn't know whether to feel panicked or relieved
    every time he says no.

    She's aware that loving him is hopeless, but if she tries to stop, she'll suffocate."


    i love how you repeated the panicked/relieved line.


  • broken-colours
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was really brilliant! Such a brief glimpse into people's lives sometimes provides more clarity than a drawn-out explanation.

    Very good! Best of luck in the contest.


  • spirit rising
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    wow..this was amazing to read and i love the way you have written both his and hers feelings, its brilliant!


  • ServantOfChrist
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem! it's so nice. I love how you have both of their perspectives. "to him, she is sanity...to her, he is oxygen." Brilliant!


  • firefly53633
    January 5

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My!

    This is a very different take on an all too recurrent theme! I like the direction that you took with this piece. The details made it feel as though we were peeking into a private moment! Well done!


  • solitarytear
    January 5

    Edit | Reply

    man oh man

    this is.........*shakes head and smiles "speechlessly*
    another one of your best.......keep them coming coz i'll be waiting to read them


  • queenie
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    it's new and its hot! it tells so much in such a concise fashion.The depth of this short piece is far-reaching. it is winning material and i hope it does just that in the contest.queenie

1 - 16 of 16