Ths Madness Can Never Die

Who dares knock on the doors of my insanity?
Who dares reach out to help a wretch like me?
Why do you pity me as I tremble in the gutters?
Bleeding, dying slowly,
The walls of my mind 
  Dripping
              With
                      Blood.
Well, it’s a new year now,
And to celebrate I turned and faced him.
Ignoring the pleading of those I love most,
Hating the way they will soon forgive…
But you… you stand there
Waiting to be let in.
Waiting to be welcomed to my wild madness,
Yearning for something you will one-day fear.
Hoping to God I will love you again.
But I won’t.
I can’t.
Taking his hand, you grovelled on the ground.
Tugging at my dress,
Begging,
Pleading,
Tearing at the hem with your beautiful hands,
While mine clasp the one I am forced to love.
He smiled with content as he walked me home.
My eyes drift in your direction as I dine with my husband.
Your face in the window,
Alone in the cold…
But I pretend I saw nothing,
So he closes the curtain.
Later that night,
I lie on the bed.
Waiting for him to hurry upstairs…
Waiting for him to seduce me.
He is with me now,
Drawing out my breath,
Such passion,
Such pleasure we shared that night…
As he moaned softly in the candlelight,
I felt complete.
  …. Well,
          Almost.
But there was one thing missing that night…
As he lay next to me, his tired eyes searching mine,
Stroking his moustache, I smiled at him.
As he smiled back, a loud thump outside the window
Brought me to the window ledge.
You lay in the grass,
You tried to knock on the window.
But you fell,
Just like before…
…And the time before that.
My love,
When will you learn we cannot afford such love?
Can’t you see my time with him is limited?
Let me stay with him.
Just for one more day…
He is a broken man,
Let me love him for a while.
Let him think I care.
Please, I beg of you.
Taking my hand he leads me from the window ledge.
Taking my face in his hands,
He whispers,
“I love you”
Wiping the tears from my cheeks,
He sits me on the bed.
Standing there naked,
He looked so calm.
Oh, God forgive me!
Please, hide my shame.
My insanity has won again,
This blood has been shed for him,
Yet again, I broke your heart.
Now can you see who I am?
Can you see this madness flicker in my eyes?
I apologise, my love, I am sorry.
But…. Don’t reach out to save me.
This madness can never die.