tiptoeing lulled me further -
over uplifted roots and hopes
into abandonment and empty echoes.
my lips upon yours
could only sigh.
Author notes
x
A contest entry
- Morning Dark Quickie!!! =D by Hikari Lady.
400 points, ended January 2, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
You write very vividly for a 16 year old
I find it difficult to get as much into a poem as you have done in these short words. -
Oddly enough, I enjoyed this one. I only say oddly because I rarely find it within myself to enjoy such short poems. . .so congrats! And thank you for the comment.
-
Interesting take on the prompt. Draws the reader in and takes them into the dark abyss of love lost and shattered dreams. Very nicely done.
-
my lips upon yours
could only sigh.
beautiful lines , i read them over and over
a lovely poem
take care x -
I seriously have no words for how much I love your poetry. It...yeah. Blimey.
-
-
aww =] thank you
x
-
-
Hmmm, tempting this write is, make one shiver and also makes one lose his head after the images you print with the last two lines. Sigh... indeed.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
~Noor -
Reads like a dream and in the end you awoke to find .. Nothing
Very nice
Good luck
Simon
-
is it sigh with dry, like roots sucking dry earth, any way great imagery, keep it up
-
so nice young girl, your feelings with great imagery. very well done
-
Aw, this was beautiful.
I loved the alliteration "empty echoes" - it just added emphasis to the empty feeling.
the ending -- i didn't expect that; i thought you were going in a different direction. with that said this is a poem that can be interpreted in different ways. it's as if he is pulling you in, but you're scared it's not going to work -- so as you are in the moment when it is right in front of you...still you sigh, perhaps not in pleasure but in sadness & - at the same - appreciation for the limited time.
loved this.
-
-
thank you so much =]
x
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
