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Love Dance


I  opened my eyes and found
My mouth around your chin
I thought,  you  needs a shave,
And then I gives a grin.

Your eyes were closed and fluttery
In fact you  was quite  buttery.
But that was no excuse
To fall into self abuse.

I said, come here dear,
Let not fall a tear,
I'll give you all you need
to spread about your seed.

He blessed me for my thought,
Said, by you I can be taught,
Just write down your number
Next time we can rhumba.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Deceits Tears silver member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting take
    Thankyou for your entry and good Luck

  • montez gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply

    I'm very sorry 2 say...

    ....Crispy Peking that this effort is a little disappointing.
    I get the impression that you dashed it off quickly.
    Was your time limited?
    You start off in the ABCB rhyme pattern, then change to AABB - WHY?
    Several of your lines are very clumsy :- EG 3rd verse, 2nd line.
    Also, if you were being purposely ungrammatical, as I suspect, then it doesn't really work.
    NB Rumba is only spelled "rhumba" in Rhumania!
    Regards,
    Robin.


    • quantumsurveyor
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Wham, bam, thank you mam. I do everything quickly except walk which I can hardly do at all !!!!

      As for rhumba, mon amie (LOL) it is correct as is rumba. What you can not have is rhumbaba - that has to be rum baba. Just knew you'd be interested. As for rhyming schemes - they are mine own and, as a rhymester I vow to keep on truckin'

      So re-write v3 l2 or whatever, I don't mind.
      Thanks again for your truss, Rhobin, much depreciated.
      Yours, the mellifluous mallard.


      • Rheea gold member
        January 5
        Edit | Reply
        Who is this crazy man? I know, I know jumping up and down waving my hand. The bear's got to have a father and here he is...

      • montez gold member
        January 3
        Edit | Reply
        Sorry my Dabbling Friend, but rhumba is NOT right - check your online penis/dick!

        • quantumsurveyor
          January 4
          Edit | Reply
          Or - from Cambridge:
          Definition
          rumba, rhumba
          noun [C]
          a type of dancing, originally from Cuba, or the music for this

          (from Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary)

        • quantumsurveyor
          January 4
          Edit | Reply
          And, from yet another dictionary (encarta)
          rhumba

          rhum·ba
          noun

          Definition:

          dance music
          Another spelling of rumba




        • quantumsurveyor
          January 4
          Edit | Reply
          You are obviously playing with your wrong dic!


          English
          [edit] Proper nounSingular
          rhumba
          Plural
          countable and uncountable; rhumbas


          rhumba (countable and uncountable; plural rhumbas)

          Alternative spelling of rumba.
          Retrieved from "http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rhumba"

          • montez gold member
            January 4
            Edit | Reply
            Sorry, A L'orange,
            But for me, the generally accepted spellerating is rumba - I really do not give a gnat's ferkin knacker that it COULD be spelled otherwise - it just LOOKS ferkin wrong ; therefore it IS ferkin wrong, and my dic agrees (though I accept I may be playing with the wrong dic - I have been known to!)
            R.


            • quantumsurveyor
              January 5
              Edit | Reply
              A sad reflection on the influence of Bordeaux and runny cheese on the normal mind of an Englishman.

1 - 10 of 10