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self explosion: A Souls Six Slices

I.
Anxiety:
sands of a hourglass,
reach their stop.
as the last grain of hope,
falls into,
an onyx supernova.

Stress piles,
as breathing slows,
shackles make my muscles,
shake, bringing me to my,
knees.

II.
convulsion:
snake eyes stare,
Ripping in and stealing,
the very (\soul/) heart,
of me.

III.
Torment.
The feeling of the hurricane,
the implode of a fire,
scorching, my life blood.

IV.

Sculpture.
the carving of flesh,
just to check I'm still alive,
at least inside anyway.

Author notes

ok so here goes:
its a special poem to me because it dragged me out of writers block, and really means so much to me, definatly is one of my deepest poems as of lately. Happy birthday greg Your an amazing guy, and I am so honored to know you the way I do.

A contest entry

comment and I'll RTF.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • xXBipolarXx
    February 25

    Edit | Reply

    OMG.

    Wow. Wow. Is all i can say. This is amazing. I find it odd that everyone on theAP can write better than me...I love the pic btw...


  • fallen angels grace
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    nice job on this write. i love the part where it says "Stress piles,
    as breathing slows,
    shackles make my muscles,
    shake, bringing me to my,
    knees.".
    i think that you did very well the poem gives a lot of imagery and i like it.


  • ApollosMuse
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    very dark and beautiful imagery..this piece is visually stunning with emotional depth..the third is my favorite


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    lol - you're welcome

  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Line 2: should be "an hourglass"

    Might wanna capitalize "convulsion" at the beginning of part II to match the others.

    I really loved this piece. The imagery was exquisite. I did think, in all honesty, that it had too many commas in places they really weren't necessary - it sort of broke the natural flow a bit too much (because the reader naturally pauses at every comma).

    But that's just my general opinion and everyone has their own writing style. People thought Emily Dickenson was crazy for using her signature style and now she's remembered because of that difference!

    Excellent imagery. Again... just stunning visually.


    Keep it up!!!


  • demasiadomuerto
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    its just my own opinion ,but I felt as if you caught it as an "addiction" perfectly,but it seems as if you were not speaking from personal experiences so you didn't capture as to why you do it good.I don't know it just didn't catch my interest but the picture is great I really like it


  • demasiadomuerto
    January 15
    Edit | Reply
    the picture is really cool but I personally didn't like the peom.


  • Lady Altheia
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    The picture brings to life the poem. I can say i never had this situation. I am trying to understad it. I know of people who are cutters. I know the cutting is not about the affliction. Congratulations on your gold trophy.


  • Dark Otter
    January 14

    Edit | Reply

    Deep, dark and dangerous!

    You left a part of yourself on the cutting board.

    I can identify with the subject and certainly respect what you have written. What we do in aloneness and unhappiness is an insight into our true nature.

    That you related it as a craving reminds me of my own compulsive, obsessive behavior. Watch out for the overriding needs of the destructive self.


  • Rhythm Child
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    whoah the picture is.......
    whoah :/

    as was the poem
    really powerful write


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    It was so beautiful (nice picture, by the way), and really worded such an addiction perfectly. I related to it very well. Such a dark, tormenting piece...all the more gorgeous.

    Great job =)


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Jesus
    This is so vivid and brilliant and it made me shake and my stomach turn to ice...

    Just wow.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    powerful, vivid imagery
    your words capture such strong emotion and your pic is almost too painful to glance upon

    very well penned


  • maralisa silver member
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    aw a very powerful poem hun good luck inthe contestmaralisa


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep indeed. I like this alot. Well written well thought out. I could feel the pain the cravings for the blade. Thank you for entering and welcome to the finalist list


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, sweetie... This just rips the heart right out of my chest, darlin'. I so wish I could be there for you

    I agree with Jon's comment about the last stanza...He promised me he'd take good care of you, and I so hope that he treats you like the goddess you are. Take care sweetheart, and know I'm always here if you need me

    Love,
    Lor-Lor


  • Evernight Prince
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    You're right i think this probably is one of your best in a while. The last stanza is powerful in it's meaning and finality. Just remember your promise to me.

1 - 20 of 20