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Human Distortion

Mommy said that Daddy went to heaven
and watches me from where the angels fly.
I’m a girl who’s big and just turned seven,
but I still miss him and it makes me cry.


He told me that one day there would be rain
and I should hold my head up and be brave.
I know that Daddy suffered awful pain,
but does he know I’m standing at his grave?


My friends all laughed and said that he was gay
and that is something I don’t understand.
I take the same pills he took every day,
so how can getting sick be something planned?


      The medicine I take is good for me;
      the doctor says it helps my HIV.

 

 

iiv

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oooo WoW,
    This is so deep, very, very good.
    So sad that such young children have to go through
    such hardships in life. I loved the way you told this story, it is very heartfelt and touching.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce


  • Klayer
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    very sad. I like the view you have used. Seeing it threw the eyes of a child and seeing how they think is really great. Such a sad power. Beautifuly written.


  • lordoftherings gold member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    I think what makes this so impactful is that the speaker is a child of seven. The simplicity of your diction used by the speaker draws us into the innocent voice that the writer has penned. As a sonnet it falters in a few lines with your iambic meters (short/long). The very fiorst line is and example which could be fixed by writing "My Mom...".

    The title I feel does not fit the poem. Yet, at the same time it does. Sorry. Ambiveliance sets in because at first reading the titlle delivers a punch. It draws you in. Now this is my feeling and you don't have to listen to me you know. The poem is a seven-year-old voice and that is my impression of it. Would love to hear you views on the choice of title.

    Thank you for entering my contest.

    gregg


    • Amera gold member
      January 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment and the trophy. To answer your question: although this is a sonnet with all the typical attributes of a sonnet such as 14 lines, decasyllable and a Volta. I think if you recite it in tetrameter instead of pentameter it will flow better to your ear and also sound more childlike. As for the title; as you may have guessed, this is a topic that I am passionate about. I chose that title to as you say “draws you in”. I wanted to generate an interest in the poem enticing people to read the entire thing to see what it was all about. I felt it important that a reader not stop half way through thinking he/she knew what it was all about and think it was predictable. The reason I did this is because of the surprise couplet and I believe the power of this poem lies there in the couplet.


  • alwaysxlove
    January 8
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad, but a beautiful poem!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Aww that's so sad! There are still so many ignorant about this disease.

    Very touching Sis!


  • DeeDee
    January 7

    Edit | Reply

    Moving!

    This piece touched my very soul. It should be an eye opener to the ignorant who see HIV/AIDS as just a "GAY" disease. Here you have the most innocent victim of all, a child who has to battle a disease that was no fault of her own. Now, where is my tissue!

  • Eusebius
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, man, another heartbreaker! Your voice is perfect and perfectly powerful in this poem!! You've done it once again!

  • Bruce silver member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job with a powerful ending. Unfortunately, this scenario is all too true to life.


  • Darknessbabe
    January 6
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    As short as it is,its amazing. It tells a lot in such little words.Great job!


  • cheerleader
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    oh wow, this is amazing, it's sad but it is really nicely written!!


  • Melodies
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, a masterpiece poem to showcase one of our worst calamities and social ills, and you have done it so beautifully with such heart. A child's view is always so poignant and good to read.


  • artis
    January 5
    Edit | Reply

    God, what a sad tale of woe, the sins of the father visited upon the children, innocence always suffers by our indulgences. This one made me

    very sad, because it goes on every day. Superb statement here...as always~~~Artis


  • Rovingone gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    You have done a service with this piece. Such a human tragedy and the biggest horror of it all is the pain this disease brings to so many, and how it truly does punish even the generations after. Anyone who has had a friend die of aids or known the pain of a child who's lost their parent due to it, and, most especially, grew up in the added agony of knowing it could claim them any day would know how true a witness this poem is to the grief.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    January 4
    Edit | Reply

    Amera,

    Sorry the WWW stole my bunnies. Here are some more.
    Joe


  • azlyn gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    Bitter truth flows here. I felt this so deeply...a wonderful eye-opening write. Amazing poem of compassion and understanding.

  • Cup-a-Joe
    January 4

    Edit | Reply

    Amera,

    Oh this is a heart grabber. A great poem for the cause. You should send this to someone involved with AIDS.
    This is a blessing.
    Joe


  • JohnnyD gold member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    sorry-I am deep in thought over something


  • JohnnyD gold member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply

  • laiqua aran
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    Your poetry is almost always magnificent, but here you have surpassed yourself, in a gently understated way you show the tragedy of a disease that has wrecked so many lives.
    Powerful and beautiful, a poem that should be widely read.


  • doolie gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad and heartfelt poem. My heart went out to that little girl.
    This is the first poem of yours that I've read but definitely won't be my last.
    I'm fairly new to AP and was here to support my hubby. Once I started reading everyones poems I found myself really enjoying it. I want to try and do some writing but I'm a little nervous for I have never written before.
    I came to check out your site because of comments Joe has made. I'm glad I did.
    Good luck in the contest.
    Laura


  • melphleg gold member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    That is sad, my friend.


    • Amera gold member
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      You always give applause. What didn't you like about it? The presentation or just the genre.


      • melphleg gold member
        January 4
        Edit | Reply
        Trust me Amera, lack of applause had nothing to do with you or your poem. I truly admire both.


  • RedAquarius
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    You are never afraid to be strong in your words, I love that about you. This is a zinger, my friend!


  • Ken-Maverick
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is one awesome write dude,
    it flowed perfectly all the way through.
    Very nice
    All the best to you in the contest

    Ken


  • Dalaney gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    if this poem made it into Jeff's wallet then I know at least fifty people will be reading your words in England Oh, Amera, what can I say that I haven't said a thousand times? You are simply the best.

    Love to you, Lane


  • Pure Thought silver member
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    Strong, thought provoking and perfect.
    Simply perfect!


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this just hits at the heart of the reader, outstanding hun, writing this in the voice of the innocent just hits home the reality of this world we live in and the diseases we will have to deal with. Perfect hun. Best to you in the contest


  • Desire gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    Gorgeous~

    Oh My Word this is a Gem of a verse Beautiful~
    The images tug so hard and I kept seeing images from Africa- of those young faces stricken with HIV-
    whose parents passed on before them;
    hard on the Third Eye
    Powerful Voice~ Excellent take on the prompt
    Swells the eyes to the point of liquid blindness
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~

  • Papagallo
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful in its sadness. I have a friend who is recovering from AIDS. It is a terrible disease. He was near death, but pulled through. Good luck in your writing.

  • michaeline
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good.Sad but true in ife nowadays.It is an awful diesease and I wish nobody had to suffer with it.Anyways good luck in the contest.It breaks my heart reading this and for those facing the reality of this.Hope that they find a cure.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    You have a wonderful gift dear poet, the ability to tug at the readers heartstrings and this certainly tugged at mine.
    The imagery and emotion that come through when reading this poem is both vivid and stark...thank you for making sure we never forget.

    Love
    Sue


  • StarEyes
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Sis,

    This brought tears to my eyes this morning as the anniversary of my dad's passing is Monday... He did not die from HIV or anything related, but the memories of his passing just hit home for me.

    You did great on this one, showing the emotions of the young girl...

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Swangrnv gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    OH MY GAWD!!

    Wow, never saw this coming! i'm totally floored..
    damn a hard hitting reality piece, made all the more intensely sad by depicting the child's point of view..amazing piece you poetic genius.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Little Blue Star you have pulled the tears from your mothers heart...you have penned a poem so real and filled with a child's thoughts, it leaves the reader in deep emotions...winner for sure

  • oldpoets
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Sad sp very sad. People can be so cruel. Again I say the printed word , the emotion that you express so well may change some peoplex mind to ne a bit more compasionet. Great work


  • Faeryn
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my; this made me cry it was so sad. Society can be so cuel sometimes. Amazing job with this, it is an amazing poem.
    Love,
    Tay


  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    In my wallet.


    • Amera gold member
      January 2

      Edit | Reply
      Only a few people here on AP know that this is your finest complement.

  • Just a poet gold member
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    OK you made me cry.

    I think that says it all.


  • Haygood gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing...

    It sounds like a little girl talking. I like that the title gives that added information and becomes as inportant as the poem itself. Excellent write, as always. Sad tale of the collateral damage of hiv.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    *lump in throat* Just a bit of story-telling in sonnet form, but...


  • ZachP gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, Amera . . .

    this is beautiful in it's way ... and yet it's heartbreaking. And what a reflection on society too. HIV/AIDS is not just a curse for the effect on the body, but also for the spiritual abuse that one with the disease will, undoubtedly suffer.

    I love the fact that your couplet was a true volta -- that I didn't know it was about HIV before I hit the last line. Many sonnets -- my crappified ones included -- don't have that crisp changing point.

    Best wishes. How you manage to sum up so much in so few words is beyond me



    Zach


  • Swan song gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Tes in the most subtle way I think you drew in many of the concerns of Hiv and also drew all the faces that it really effects the most. Well done very well done!!!!!

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