Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

2nd January 2009 - Triple Entry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I.

 

They walked long lines, sang songs of times

when dreams were ever real,

upon the face of time and space

where whispers walked surreal.

 

He clasped her hand to help him stand--

took courage to behold,

until those years of angst and tears

begged justly to be told.

 

And so she came to know his name,

touched friendship...maybe more...

she touched his soul and made him whole--

she healed his broken core.

 

Yet wild winds blew and so he flew

away from nurture's balm,

to find new dreams in fraying seams--

false pride within pain's palm.

 

Now lone he stands on far-off lands

awaiting life's regrets

to suck his worth back through the earth,

to pay for his neglect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

II.

 

She stretched wide her eyes

to the size of her shoes,

as bereavement blew whispers

through cold-hearted tunes

 

and she aired her disgraces

'cross past's faces and backs,

attacking truth's temerity

as his dye remained cast...

 

so she sutured surrealty

to the lip of lust's loss;

to curl in hurt's inferno

of miscontent and mistrust--

 

yet words remained stilled,

as will waited in vain...

 

for redemption to render

her sanity...insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

III.

 

Feet furrowed the fortunes of freedom's fate

while destiny dared a coward to breathe

and luck gave him lungs that learned only love,

as waters of ignorance white-washed woes.

 

Both embraced etched echoes of loss and life,

as cost cast its conscience with baited tread

and dread dragged sagging wills, till land loomed light

and sight sought mere blindness to hide behind.

 

Cruelty clutched at cotton caresses,

wrenching his wrongs through an innocent's sigh

and she wept as she sank...and sink she did,

while he strode ever on from mem'ry's muse...

 

Now the death of dreams he once dared to have,

survive to rise upwards...with worth, at last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompts:

 

I.    http://gilad.deviantart.com/art/Lost-In-Dreams-85816676

A Triquatrain...for source please see:

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/triquatrain.html

 

II.   http://bye-bye-omoide.deviantart.com/art/but-love-is-blind-97647667

Just some loose rhyme...I enjoyed the freedom

 

III.  http://gwarf.deviantart.com/art/and-breathe-out-90936314

A Lannet...for source please see:

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/lannet.html

 

 

For Paul...

 

I didn't forget you, I never do...Happy Birthday - I shall see you on the other side

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • I think this is your best.


  • A. Lee S.
    June 10

    Edit | Reply

    just glides along doesn't it...

    What stands out immediately is the flow... effortless
    ... perhaps a tad forced in the middle of the second (though it could be my adjustment from the more limmerical beginning);

    Although part I is quite flawless in structure, Part III remains my favorite;

    Regarding alliteration, I liked the lighter employment of Pt II as opposed to the final part;

    Alliteration aleviated, Pt III stood out because it felt so much less restrained... even with the stringently symmetrical syllable line structure.

    Overall, as usual, you make it seem so easy,

    Best to you, _. ___ _.


  • wbiro gold member
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    three prompts? Putting you to task here! I'll assume you chose the forms... the first pic is some kind of mystical silhouette... and you have an interesting take- the flighty following of the heart wherever it may go, with resulting disaster... the first piece is written literal and plain, nothing too poetic or fancy... the second pic speaks of hot breath... let's see where you took it... (and free verse is probably the best form for the modernistic pic) hmmm... a puzzle at the end... oh, not free verse, but loose rhyme- not to be regretted like the loose of the subject, however...! Now just to remind you, the crowd in this contest is not particularly warm to rhythm and rhyme- so you've given yourself an added challenge here... the third pic prompt- girl under water exhaling bubbles- that could go either way- morbid or light... woah- your piece is chock full of alliteration/consonance/assonance! The question is, is it distracting or natural? It was distracting for me! But I shall fight through it to glean the content... (gleaning...) now the form is distracting me! I must look it up... ah, only internal rhyme- that answers a question... (and hey- the person who created it has the same name as you!) lol and I see the internal rhyme's positions are not fixed... I think... hard to determine... and I couldn't quite make the details out in this piece, but I did get the overall picture- (maybe)- but a strange piece, reminds me of "The Pilgrim's Progress" where human traits are actual beings... here you have freedom, destiny, luck, ignorance, cost, dread, sight, and finally cruelty... so perhaps you should be capitalizing them- to denote persona, for that is what you have given them all here... and as for the sinking girl- she didn't stand a chance against all of them!

  • SoulWhispher
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that seems to say it all, blessings with love John


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    Fine work, LaLa.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful work Laura, such excellent form and flow and the emotion is so tangible, it just floats from each line into your heart and soul. excellent. hugs, Bunny


  • ZachP gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, Laura, these are so beautiful. Your writing never fails to move my heart, I really need to read your poetry more =] Your imagery, your flow, your rhythm ... I don't need to take a few pages out of your book, but a few chapters =]

    Best of luck in the contest. I'm sure you'll do amazing.

    Awestrucken Zach

    (Just so you know the significance of 3 clappies -- I've given very few of these badboys out since I've started hoarding points for my big contest Enjoy)


  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    A canto in three forms, delicious work in here.

    Great stuff as always

    Jeff

  • The first one was my favorite, but the other two were very good. they were all beautiful though.

1 - 13 of 13