candy candy candy
that candy looks so dandy
if i dont get some right now
im sure ill have a cow
please give me just one lick
if you dont i might get sick
i cant stand this restriction
for me candy is an addiction
now laying in my bed
candys stuck inside my head
ive gotta have a taste
cant let my taste buds go to waste
i cant stand this restriction
for me candy is an addiction
A contest entry
- Addictions (For the group: Beautiful Minds, Dark Addictions) by AutumnsFlame.
400 points, ended February 19, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
wow
Comments
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Mmm arent we all addicted to candy? Dude Mom lets have a fackin candy party!!!!!
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Well, the whole candy thing is a cute idea, I'll give you that. However, there are a couple MAJOR problems I have with this poem---
1. Your grammar. "i" should ALWAYS be capitalized, unless there is a GOOD reason it isn't. Capital letters and punctuation would help too. Grammar is an important thing in poetry. DO NOT ignore it!
2. Your rhyme was very amateur and forced. I would suggest freeverse, for you.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
cant let my taste buds go to waste
i cant stand this restriction
for me candy is an addiction
I love these lines, they wrap the poem up nicely...
And I think every 13 year oild has an addiction to 'candy' !
I know I did....well, more chocolate than sweets...
Still...Yummy!
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