The Dirty Wee Bugger

The Dirty Wee Bugger

The dirty wee bugger
Has not washed or shaved
He’s disgusting, uncivilised
Does not know how to behave
Five days growth
Upon his face
His mother considers him
A real disgrace
His jeans are filthy
We call them pigging
Never cleaned
From in the garden digging
His nails are long and grubby
Dirt caked to his knuckles
He never ever heard of
Shoes with silver buckles
His shoes were never polished
From the day first bought
Purchased from a charity shop
Where they cost next to nought
The unkempt hair
Sitting matted on his head
Looks like a rat
That’s a long time dead
His duvet is old
It was a wedding gift
It lies in a mess
And lets of a whiff
Is that soup sticking
To his beard which is un-groomed
It looks as if it’s chicken
No! Um it’s definitely mushroom
See his cuffs
On his old winter jacket
Cuffs ripped asunder
How can he hack it
Look nasal hair
Hanging from the side of his nose
Looks like a competition
With the ear hairs that grow
He’s a dirty wee bugger
He’s old enough to know better
His clothes are old, ragged
Always in tatters
Holes in his socks
His underwear is torn
His vest like the shoe soles
Are decidedly worn
His jeans are originals
Threadbare around the knees
There’s a rip in his rear pocket
Where his arse will soon freeze
His jumper is too small
It was put in the wrong wash
One arm longer than the other
Like the sides of his moustache
His teeth need cleaned
His ears he de-waxed
No wonder the wee bugger
Only occasionally has sex
Don’t be too hard
Don’t judge him just on his looks
For the dirty wee bugger
Has read widely many books
He’s not as simple
As he first appears
Unlike many well heeled people
He is always in good cheer
Don’t walk on the other side
When he passes by you
For the dirty wee bugger
Has just you entertained you